Inconceivable Outcome
by castlefan51
Summary: Castle and Beckett come upon an unusual case. But this is nothing compared to what Castle will face, will he face it alone or with Kate's help?
1. Chapter 1

His cell phone was ringing and he knew it was Kate because he assigned "The Death March" to her cell number. The phone was still ringing somewhere, where exactly he had no idea. Reaching for it on the night stand he knocked it to the floor, rolling over to search the floor he went too far and rolled off the bed. "Damn" he said to himself. Looking at the digital clock he had to rub his eyes to make sure he was reading it correctly 3:17am why the hell was she calling at this ungodly hour and on a Sunday no less. Picking up the phone he answered "Castle." Kate asked "What took so long to answer your phone?" Well if you must know I was asleep and then I knocked my phone off the nightstand and then I fell off the bed" "Well get up and dressed Castle murder never sleeps" meet me at 2251 E. 19th Street. Pulling on his jeans, a pullover shirt and his jacket then bending over to throw on his shoes he felt a slight pain in his abdomen. Thinking nothing about it he thought "well I am 43 and getting old is a bitch".

Kate had asked Lanie what had happened and did she have a possible time of death. Lanie replied " Kate the male died around 1:13am the female on the other hand hung around for about another hour before she died". Kate wondered how this could have even happened. They were both naked and in the process of making passionate love when the male was killed. He was killed by someone plunging a javelin into the left side of his back and piercing his heart killing him quickly. However the female while she was wounded could not move from where she was because the javelin had gone through the male with such force that it ended up pinning her to the couch. Either the killer wanted information or just liked to torture his victims, he waited until an hour had passed and drove another javelin into the other side of the male and through the females heart as well. She died instantly.

Castle arrived about 30 minuets later and much to Kate's amazement he stretched out his hand to her with a hot latte and a bear claw. He saw the smile on her face immediately. Walking over to the crime scene he looked at the victims and almost lost what ever was in his stomach. Kate noticed his reaction and asked "Castle whats wrong"? Beckett "I know this boy" because he was barley 19 and not yet a man. "He helped tutor Alexis with her AP test about 4 months ago" His name was Mark and he was a sophomore at NYU. The last time he saw him he was a little overprotective towards his daughter and made that fact known after he was done tutoring her. Alexis never found out about their little talk. Inhaling deeply he told Beckett that they were both murdered with a weapon called a Angon on the blades end there should be a barbed head to maximize injury. But they are too short, they should be around 6 feet long these are only about 4 feet long. Kate looked at him with a look he knew all too well "How do you know all this"? "Well I was researching a novel about the middle ages and this weapon came up".

Walking back over to where she was standing he thought he heard something and told everyone at the crime scene to shut up. Most everyone stopped what they were doing, looked at him chuckled, and then ignored him going back to their duties. He made the same request again and this time everyone became quiet. Kate "do you hear that?" She thought he was loosing it too and said "hear what Castle?" That whimper he heard it again it sounded like a child was sobbing. He knelt down by the lower cabinets in the kitchen found the one where he thought the sound was coming from and looked to Beckett. She drew her Glock 26 and gave Castle the OK to open the cabinet door. The look on their faces were one of shock. Inside the garbage cabinet behind the pail was a little boy about 7 or 8 years old. Looking in Castle asked the boys name. He said very quietly that his name was Michael. Kate never heard it. Castle asked Michael "how long have you been in there?" He answered with I was playing a game of hide and seek I had a great hiding spot but after a while no one came looking for me. Kate asked him "what time did you go into the cabinet?" Michael told them the little hand on the clock was between the 12 and 1 and the big hand was closer to the 9. Well they knew he probably fell asleep for about the last two hours.

The CSU tech's were being very loud in the course of their duties and neither Kate or Castle could barley hear the soft spoken child. Michael is there a place where we can talk to you that's quieter? He responded "My dad has an office right over there", pointing his hand out of the cabinet right past the crime scene. Castle reached into the cabinet to offer his hand. Michael retreated further back into the cabinet, then Castle had an idea. "Michael how about a piggy back ride to your dads office?" When Alexis was too tired sometimes this got her to her bedroom without a fight and thought that it might work here. Michael was a little hesitant at first but he seemed to trust the man with the blue eyes and the lady with the brown hair. Getting down on his hands and knees he coaxed the boy to climb onto his back. Getting up Castle felt the same pain in his gut as he did earlier at home. Kate just realized that Lanie was still with the bodies on the couch, and needed to shield Michael from the sight. She had two CSU techs raise a blanket covering the scene. Castle walked quickly past the scene and upon him and Kate he closed the door to the office.

Michael wanted to know what was going on with all the people in the living room. Kate told him that someone had murdered his baby sitter and that they were looking into collecting clues to find her killer. Michael had asked why his sister was laying on the couch with no clothes on. Kate looked at Rick utterly lost they thought they did a good job at hiding the scene, but apparently he got a glimpse anyway. Kate thought to herself that this was handled so badly such a rookie mistake why could have not seen the resemblance between the Michael and his sister. There had been no ID because they were both naked, but still she should have known. Castle turned towards the book shelf while Kate continued asking Michael questions. Kate had asked "Michael where are your parents?" Michael asked Rick for a glass of water before he would answer. Castle thought this was an odd request but picked up a glass and filled it with tap water from the mini bar and handed it to Michael. Drinking most of the glass he again asked Michael were his parents were. He told him that his parents were on a business meeting. Kate asked "Do you know when they will return"? He said "I know that they are flying into a airport, but I am not sure which one. Castle had asked what Michael's last name was and he told them it was Capshaw.

Castle looked over to Kate and gave her a look to move over to the other side of the room. Kate understood and met him there, "Kate what will happen to him?" Kate thinks a second and tells Castle "He will more than likely go into CPS temporarily until his parents get back."Castle wonders if Michael has any relatives near by. Castle Walks over to Michael and asks him "Michael do you have any relatives near here?" Michael tells him that he has a brother about 3 blocks away, but he works at night and goes to sleep during the day. Kate is impressed with his determination and walks over to the both of them and takes Michaels hand walking out of the bedroom to find a uniform to run down the address of his brother. Walking out of the office Castle looks down and sees blood on the floor and wonders why the team did not see this before. Looking over to the doorway Castle glances towards the mirror and sees now that he has blood running down his upper lip and his chin. Looking for something to clean up his blood loss he finds a washcloth. Worried that Beckett would be pissed that he got his blood anywhere near her crime scene he cleans up himself the best he can but the blood still oozes out. Leaning his head back he takes the wash cloth and pinches the ridge of his nose closed.

Kate, tired of waiting for him and yells out his name "Castle!" He jumps when she calls out his name and says "be right there" He notices that there is blood on his shirt by his stomach, so he buttons up his suit jacket hiding the blood stain. Lowering his head the bleeding has stopped for now and he looks presentable. Walking to where Beckett is waiting by the door with arms folded across her chest "Are you finally ready to go?" His only answer is "I'm sorry" Walking down to the car they have Michael in tow keeping him until they can contact his brother. Getting back to the car Castle wonders if there is anything to the bloody nose he just had and thinks that it is just stress and it was probably a one time thing.

Getting back from the short drive to the precinct Kate, Castle and Michael take the elevator to the 4th floor. Kate looks for Karpowski and sees her motioning her to come over. "Hey Karpowski could you do me a big favor?" She agrees and Beckett asks her to set Michael up in the lounge so he can get some sleep. With that taken care of Kate fills in Espo and Ryan in on the case. Castle was always in awe of how she commanded men, right away she had the boys running down leads. She started looking into the whereabouts of Mr. and Mrs. Capshaw. About 25 minuets later she tracked them down to the Four Seasons Hotel in San Francisco. Leaving a message for them she did not expect them to return her call tonight being there was a three hour time difference. 10 minuets later she answered her land line "Beckett" She listened to what was being said on the other end and after verifying who was on the other end she had calmly but officially told Jeff Capshaw that his daughter had been murdered.

So Kate turned to where Castle was sitting by her desk and asked "So Castle, any wild or made up theories about this case"? He turned and looked right at her, but she got the feeling he was looking through her rather then at her in that moment almost like he was daydreaming. He stood up and said "Kate I am pretty sure you and the boys can handle this investigation". My being here would just be an interference, I think I am going to head home and get a shower and some sleep it's almost 6 am now." Beckett looked at him with a look on her face that he had never seen. She thought to her self that he never leaves me at the start of a case and especially that he knew one of the victims. Castle rises from the chair and walks over to the elevator and pushes the down button. Kate can't believe what has just happened but soon when they get a break from the case she will call him and find out whats wrong.

Castle can't wish the doors to open quick enough...


	2. Chapter 2

Rick stared at the elevator hoping the doors would open soon. He did not know why he told Beckett that he needed to get home, but something inside him told him he need to be in a more comfortable place. The doors opened and he stepped onto the elevator and rode it to the lobby of the 12th. Walking through the main hall towards the double glass doors, he stepped onto the sidewalk and hailed a cab. Giving the driver the address to the loft, the ride was a short one being it was before 7am. Arriving at the loft he paid the driver and added a generous tip. The driver was blown away when he counted the fare. Thanking him, Castle stepped in front of his building, hesitating a bit before moving towards the glass doors he had hoped that he would be alone when he got inside the loft. As it turned out he was the only one there, his mom and Alexis must have been out.

He hung up his coat and scarf and went to his master bath to take a hot relaxing shower. Stripping down to his birthday suit, he started the shower and waited for the temperature to get hot enough for his needs. Turning towards the mirror he took inventory of his body. Hair check, triceps and biceps check, Pecks check, Abs...and that's when he noticed that he was not so well defined in that area, he was toned but... From his lower ribcage to his hips he looked like he was a man who was deprived of nutrition. This shocked him because he had not noticed it before now. His ribs were showing like he was a skeleton. Castle was a big guy standing about 6' 3" and weighed in at 207 pounds consistently. So he decided to step onto the scale after tapping it to get it activated it was going through its calibration. Finally, the scale told him to step on. Waiting the 10 seconds to weigh him, the digital readout flashed 183 then went solid right before vanishing from his sight.

Not too worried as he stepped off the scale he sometimes fluctuated with his weight especially when he spent a lot of time binge writing and walked over to the shower. Closing the shower door, he aimed the spray nozzles towards the parts of his body that ached the most, namely his abs and his lower calf muscles. Washing the early dirt off his body he finished and turned off the water and picked up a towel and dried off. Bending over to dry his lower body parts, he felt what he thought was mucus running from his nose. Looking down on the shower tile it was not what he thought. Blood was almost everywhere. He grabbed a washcloth and did the same thing he did when he was at the crime scene. There was something different about this nose bleed, it happened quicker, the blood was thicker and it was not subsiding as easily as before. Worried that he would run out of blood to keep his heart from beating he got dressed and made his way to the hospital.

Walking up the ER's nursing station, he asked if there was anyone who could see him. The ER nurse looked up from her paperwork and noticed that the cloth that he was using was filled with blood. She rushed around to the front of the counter and brought him back to the first available treatment room. An attending was walking by and saw the amount of blood that was trailing on the floor. He stepped in and asked Castle how long this was happening. Rick had told him that he was just getting out of the shower and his nose really started bleeding profusely. So maybe for about 15 minutes. The attending introduced himself as Peter Carr and intrigued with his case he told the nurse that he would do the medical history on Mr. Castle. Pulling out a clipboard, he started asking Rick a couple of questions. Mr. Castle "Have you had any weight loss in the recent months"? Rick replied with "I have lost about 25 pounds, but I am not always worried about loosing a couple of pounds I am a writer and sometimes skip a lot of meals. OK, Mr. Castle...Rick interrupts with "Please call me Rick OK?" Alright Peter says. Well, Rick have you noticed any red splotches anywhere on your body? Castle thinks a bit and says "now that you mention that I have some splotches on my upper back, I never thought anything about them" Peter notes his answer in the chart. "OK, Rick have you been fatigued or have been in a weaker state recently? Again Castle thinks back to the crime scene and tells Peter that he has been feeling some of pain in his abdomen. And Peter's last question is "Rick when you go to bed at night are you comfortable? What I mean is are you hot or cold?" Castle thinks a while and answers "There are times when I am cold and need like 2 blankets to keep warm and then 20 minutes later I am roasting and need the A/C of full blast to cool down. Peter now moves to Castles's nose and gently removes the cloth that he is holding there. Peter tells him that the bleeding has slowed down.

Peter tends to get Castle comfortable because he will be undergoing a battery of tests that will be an all day event. Peter tells Castle that he is only an intern but knows that there is something more serious going on with him and will probably be turning over his case to the resident doctor when he arrives. Rick is disappointed with the structure of how people at a learning hospital can learn and requests that Peter stay as his secondary doctor. Peter will see what he can do, but he is not hopeful. Dr. Sullivan enters the ER treatment room where Castle and Peter are. He introduces himself as such and asks Peter for the history he had just worked up on Castle. After reading the history completely, he asks Peter to leave the room so he can talk to Mr. Castle. Peter replies with "He likes to be called Rick" Rick tells him that he was right and brings up the fact that this is a learning hospital and Peter should be involved in all aspects of what the patient needs.

Dr. Sullivan agrees, reluctantly but does so just the same. Dr. Sullivan starts to explain what he wants to do with Rick. Mr. Castle there are 3 or 4 tests that I am going to prescribe. The first test we have basically taken care of here and I am confident that we need to move forward with the second battery of testing. Castle looks worried and asks what is involved in the next tests. Dr. Sullivan answers with "we will take a sample of your blood and test your white blood cell count. If there is no abnormality there you are basically done." Rick asked, "and what if the count is abnormal?"

Dr. Sullivan hangs his head and mumbles something that Castle can't hear. He raises his head and tells him that he will need to go for a bone marrow test and it will be very uncomfortable. Rick lays back against the pillow and thinks about Kate. He could really use her company right now, but decides against it because she has Josh, and he is only a partner to her. Dr. Sullivan explains that the bone marrow test if needed will be taken from his hip. This is possibly that best area to get the marrow from and recovery will be a lot quicker. Castle asks what Dr. Sullivan is thinking about by ordering all these tests, and he replies with "well Mr. Castle, er Rick I am not one to jump the gun or make a patient worry over what might not be, but some of the indicators are present for a specific disease and with the tests we will perform this afternoon we should have a more definitive answer for you. So give me until the end of the day and we should have a better idea of whats going on with your health.

As Dr. Sullivan leaves the triage room Castle looks to Peter. So Peter "What do you think" He answers with " I am an intern and I am not in a position to tell you anything." Castle gives a stern look and tells him "Peter I went to bat for you asking Dr. Sullivan to keep you here to learn and this is how you repay me?" Peter looking away and then looking back to Rick he says, "Rick I am not going to tell you that everything will be fine" He looks down once again and continues with "It has been my experience that most patients who go for hip bone marrow test usually come out of it with shock and anger." "So I hope that you are prepared for the worst after these tests." Thanks, Peter Castle says looking away from him.

Peter turns and leaves Castle and this gives him time to think. Would Kate want to know what is happening with me? He is not too sure that they are at a place within their partnership that would warrant him telling her what was going on. So he just put into the back of his mind. Just as he started to look out the window, a small blonde nurse entered his room. "Hello, Mr. Castle" My name is Claire and I will be taking you for your first round of tests. Castle looks a little started and agrees with her, "Is there anything I can do to help you, he asks"? She says, "why yes if you are able to could you make your way over to the wheelchair for me so we can get you over to the lab to start your tests?" Castle makes the move over to the wheelchair and sits in it but not without holding the cheap hospital gown together to cover his ass.

Claire knows who he is but due to hospital rules and regulations she really can't come right and ask him for his autograph on her latest copy of Nikki Heat which she has hidden in the pocket of his wheelchair. Castle dreads the tests he is going to have done. Claire wheels him into the lab and he waits patiently for the lab tech to arrive. While he is waiting Claire finally gets up the nerve to ask him for his autograph. Castle in not naive and had wondered when she would get around to ask him. He replies with "Claire is it not hospital policy to ask a famous patient for his/her signature?" Claire's face went ashen white, "I am so sorry Mr. Castle but I thought since you were just here waiting here with nothing to do..." Rick was just trying to get a rise out of her he would, of course, sign her book for her.

He signs the book with his signature and thanks her for bringing him to the lab. The lab tech walks in behind him and asks "Mr. Castle?" Please call me Rick he says. I understand that you are here for a couple of tests today. Shaking his head yes, he swallows hard and wishes he had someone here with him right now. My name is Joan and I will be with you every step of the way, if you have any concerns or questions please don't hesitate to ask me. With that explained she asks him to get onto the hard and cold exam table. He does so and then she asks him to sit there while she prepares for his BP. Walking over to him she asks him to roll his sleeve up so she can take his BP, then checks his heart rate. Everything is OK. Joan gets a needle ready and Castle thinks that this is the test he needs to take. He asks Joan do you need me to roll onto my side?" She smiles and tells him that this is just the start of your procedure, you need to have a general anesthetic, but before that an IV will need to be administered to take the edge off to get ready for the bone marrow biopsy. He can't believe whats going on and is a little scared having never gone through something like this before. Joan sees the despair In his eyes, and feels for him.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate was feeling the loss of Castle not being there with her at the 12th. Even though, it was only 3pm it had felt like a week since she had seen him last. He had wild and crazy theories sometimes, but they always kept her trying to find the real truth. Yeah, sure sometimes he might have been right on one or two occasions and he would gloat when his theory turned out to be correct, but she missed what he brought to any investigation, he made her team see the laughable moments in the cases they had worked. Looking over to the clock the Capshaws would be arriving at JFK by 3:26pm from San Francisco on Delta flight 0418. Kate had sent a patrol unit to meet them at the arrival terminal and told them to escort them back to the 12th forthwith. Since there was a lull in what was going on and Castle had not called her, she thought it was a good time to give him a call.

His phone rang, but after 3 rings it went straight to voicemail. This never happened he always answered. Starting to worry and instead of calling Alexis or Martha she placed a call to Edwardo who manned the door at Castles building. Edwardo had just helped Mrs. Rodstone to her waiting cab when he heard the front desk phone ring. Rushing back to the desk he grabbed it on the last ring "Hello this is the Haddon Plaza how can I be of assistance?" Kate gets right to the point "Edwardo this is Detective Beckett how are you? Edwardo answers "I am fine Miss Kate, what can I do for you?" she wants to know if he knows the location of Mr. Castle and he tells her that he went out about eight hours ago and he has not seen him since. Kate thinks that this is unusual for Castle because he never goes without more than a couple of hours without bothering her in some way. She then asks if there was anything unusual about him when he left, he try's to recall when he left exactly and then he remembers "Miss Kate, when Mr Castle left this morning and he was looking up to the ceiling and was holding a rag to his nose" Kate was totally lost with what he was trying to say. "So Edwardo you have not seen him since this morning"? "No Miss Kate I have not, I am so sorry" Kate thanks him and hangs up the phone.

Just about the time Kate is hanging up the phone with Edwardo, Castle waits for the IV to start working after Joan had placed the port into the back of his hand. He was not yet feeling the effects of the drugs she had started him on. While this was not a big concern he started thinking about the test upcoming. Just then Dr. O'Brien walked into the lab where Castle was. Mr. Castle " I am Dr. O'Brien and I am the resident oncologist here at the hospital and if there anything I can do to make your experience here any more comfortable please do not hesitate to let me know of your concerns". He tells the good Doctor that as of yet he has no concerns...yet, but jokes and asks "do I really need to take this test?" The doctor laughs to himself and tells him that "there is no way around it, but that was a good try!" Preparing the test for the biopsy Dr. O'Brien asks Castle if he is able to move to the exam table. Castle complies and then the test will commence.

But then Dr. O'Brien sees Castle looking a bit sluggish and then turns to catch him, because the drugs that the nurse had administered have started taking their effect on him. Helping him to the exam table he tells him to lie back and then he would start the test. Rick groggily had asked again if he needed to turn on his side, But Dr. O'Brien had told him that there was no need to do that because he could access the area in question with ease. He started to proceed with the test asking Rick to draw back the gown he had on to give Dr. O'Brien more access to his hip. While Rick holds the flimsy hospital gown up exposing his hip the doctor inserts a needle into his hip. Castle thinks that this will be a piece of cake until the doctor pushes deeper into his flesh. The pressure is only now starting to be unbearable, but he holds back his pain. He thought that with the IV cocktail the nurse gave him that there would be a lot less pressure or pain, neither had been the case. At this time, the doctor had just reached the hip bone and asked him how he was doing. Castle replied "please just be quick about the rest of the test, I have never experienced this much pain in my life". The Doctor moves quickly and tries to complete the test, but there will be about 15 minutes left to get a complete result. With the needle now in place the Dr. draws back the plunger on the syringe and in seconds there is bone marrow passing through the needle and into the syringe, the doctor advises him that the test is almost complete he only needs to draw 3 more syringes of marrow. He promises that he will be quick and gentle

This is of no comfort to Castle because now right at this moment he wishes that Kate was with him calming him by holding his hand, telling him that everything will be fine. He does not realize it, but a tear streams down the side of his face while he was thinking of what could have been. The test is now complete the doctor removes the needle and gives Rick the following information, "Mr. Castle you will be in a little discomfort for about 3 to 5 days. Please do not swim, bathe or get the biopsy site wet in any way for the next 24 hours. I will place a gauze bandage where I extracted the marrow and if there is no additional bleeding by tomorrow at this time you will be able to remove the gauze and shower. If there is more bleeding than what I have explained then by all means return back to the hospital and find me. Castle shakes his head and now needs to ask the most important question, So Dr. O"Brien when will I find out the results of this test. The Dr. informs him that the lab is a little backed up, but a good time frame should be about four days.

He nods in disbelief and asks him if there are any more tests he needs to take. The doctor tells him "Wasn't this test enough" with a quiet laugh. Castle agrees and thanks him for being so professional and compassionate. Turning to walk away, the doctor says, "Go home Mr. Castle and try to relax". Rick stares back at the disappearing doctor moving quickly down the hallway and then turns himself and heads for the loft. Walking out to the sidewalk, he hails a taxi and gives the driver the address of the loft. The ride back home has him thinking how will he break the news to his family if the tests come back positive. Then his mind wanders to Kate, how would she take his news if his results were positive. Would she support him or not even care about what is possibly going to happen to him? He really can't tell anyone anything so it will be business as usual. He will not reveal anything to anyone just yet. Arriving at the loft Edwardo notices Castle paying the cabbie and walks over to open the front door. "Good afternoon Mr. Castle" Castle walks through the doorway and greets Edwardo with a hearty "Good afternoon Edwardo, How is your family"? "They are great Mr. Castle everyone is doing well" Castle walks over to the elevator and waits for it to arrive. Edwardo returns back to his concierge desk and sits down. "Oh, by the way, Mr. Castle Miss Kate called me earlier and wanted to know where you were." The elevator doors slid open Castle ignored them and quickly pulled out his cell and found 6 missed calls and 4 voicemails all were from Kate. He turns around and asked "What did you tell her?" He responded "I told her the truth, I noticed you leaving earlier but had no idea where you might be going." Now Castle never thought Kate would have cared so much about where was... did she?

Kate had the Capshaws in interview room 2 and was asking them if they had known anyone who would cause them or their daughter any harm. They had a misunderstanding with the neighbors, but it was nothing but a petty argument nothing that would lead to something like this. Ryan and Espo had gone over the phone and financial records for the Capshaws. Nothing popped out at them they were your everyday ordinary family. Sure they had bills but they also had savings that kept them afloat if times went bad. There were no wild purchases and nothing was bought on the spur of the moment. Kate had explained that their son Michael was with their son Paul and they should swing by to pick him up there. She told them that is would not make sense that CPS be brought into this for just one night, they thanked her and stood up from the table and said their goodbyes. Kate shook Mr. Capshaws hand and then handed him her business card, "If you can think of anything that could possibly help our investigation then please give me a call day or night." He nodded and walked out of the 12th.

Kate went back to her desk looked over to the empty chair beside her and thought about Castle. I miss him so much and I think that I am falling or him, but what would be the point, he is a best selling author and always has that playboy persona going on, I am not too sure if he can even be serious. But what Kate did not realize is that Rick had given up the late night parties and the chest signings and had not really dated any fast women since he had met her. (So much for her being a detective.) Looking down at her pile of paperwork, most from the previous case and the start of this case she decided to get ahead on some of it so there was not too much of a pile later. Looking at the clock it was almost 7:30pm what a long day today was she thought. She would dedicate about 2 hours to this paperwork and then call it a night. Writing up the remainder of the case notes for the last case, she closed the file folder and sent it to the DA via interoffice mail. Grabbing her coat and purse she moved over to the elevator all the way thinking of him. Was he OK? What was he doing? She really did miss him.

Castle had entered the loft around 5pm. No one was there to greet him, Alexis had a class and would be coming home late Martha was with Madge working on some play they were co-writing together. Neither of his family would not be home until later that night. Walking over to his office, he sat down at his laptop, not really in the mood to write about Nikki Heat he instead reaches for his cell. Pulling up the icon for missed calls, he noticed that there were six and they were all made on the top of every hour starting at 10 am. He thumbs through the voice mails and hits play "Castle its me Beckett call me when you get this" The next three are basically the same in content until the last two. "Rick it's me Kate I am getting really worried I have not heard from you all day are you OK? Call me." "Rick it's me Kate again I am way past worried so I called Edwardo who saw you leave earlier this morning, are you OK? Please call me I am at the 12th doing paperwork and will probably be here late." Deleting the last voice mail, Rick scrolled down the list of contacts and pulled up her cell number, hovering his thumb over her the number he thought twice about hitting send then closed the contact list and put his phone back on his desk. He thought "Maybe it's just better this way."

A/N Ok I am so surprised that there are a lot of followers for this story. But now I have a little problem, I can end this story by chapter 5 or 6. (character death) Or let it go on for maybe 10 or 11 chapters. (no death) I need to hear from the readers which way I should move forward in. I will let the faithful readers decide! PM or Review with your decisions!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Getting up from his desk, he made his way over to the liquor cabinet after the day he had he needed to loose himself in a good single malt scotch. He perused his collection and selected a 1958 single single Highland Park, poured a medium sized glass full and let the amber liquid scorch the back of his throat. This was a smooth scotch, well worth the $1500.00 dollars he spent for it. He finished his nightcap and then looking at his watch noticed Alexis should have been home hours ago. Looking in her bedroom, she was not there so he figured that she was studying at the library. He pulled out a sharpie and a piece of paper and left her a note on the island counter "Hey Pumpkin, I decided to call it an early night. I made a little something to eat and left it in the fridge for you see you in the morning, Love Dad".

Climbing the staircase up to his bedroom, there was still a little pain in his hip and really wanted to remove the gauze, but decided against that. Setting his alarm clock for 5:30 he would bring his team breakfast and hoped he could keep what he went through today hidden from them "business as usual" he thought. Before he knew it he was fast asleep waking only to the alarm that was blaring to a preset radio station announcing that it would be a mild day today. Turning off the alarm, he threw the comforter off his body and made his way to the bathroom removing the gauze he examined the bone marrow site. To his surprise it had only bled a little bit, but the surrounding skin around the needle mark had now changed an ugly purplish/green color. Taking a shower, he went through his daily routine. Dressed and ready to hit the street he walked through the lobby of his building and threw a wave to the doorman who told him to have a great day.

Walking out to hail a cab he would stop at Everyman Espresso before heading over to the precinct. It was just a couple of blocks away from his place, but it would be worth the time to stop there because they had great baked goods. Getting his coffee order and getting an assortment of bagels, rolls, scones and a coffee cake he got back into the cab and told the driver to bring him to the 12th precinct. Arriving there, he was by his own surprise the first one there. Taking the elevator to the homicide floor he set everything up in the break room. Taking his and Beckett's coffee, he walked over to his chair and sat down very gingerly. Looking over to the murder board, he studied what facts the team had put together already. The crime scene pictures were up and the time line was started. They had determined that both victims had died about an hour apart from each other, but Castle still could not shake the fact that he knew Mark. This worried him because he thought if whoever killed him and his girlfriend, could Alexis become a target also?. Ryan and Beckett arrived first and she noticed him first sitting in his chair by her desk. Taking off her coat, she walked over to him and hung her coat on the back of her chair and asked him what had happened to him yesterday. He was so involved in looking at the crime scene pictures and thinking about Alexis he never noticed her take her seat or ask him anything.

"Castle"! She exclaimed. He jumped at the sound of her voice and he asked "When did you get here?"

She told him "I just sat down, is this for me"? pointing to the latte on her desk. She looked at him with an anxious look on her face. He says, "what's wrong?"

I am still waiting for an answer about yesterday.

Oh, he said I'm sorry, well after I went home Black Pawn called and they wanted to talk about a new book deal and a possible Far East book launch tour. The meeting lasted all day and I was so tired when I got home that I went to sleep by 10 pm.

"I called you and left voice mails"

"I know I listened to them after the meetings but I did not want to bother you by calling so late"

"Castle you are never a bother to me I always need to know you are safe, so please call me whatever the time is I will always answer."

He did not know what to say, who was this woman and what happened to her. She really never cared to the extent she was caring right now, he was seeing a different side to her but why? But still he hoped that his little white lie was believable enough for her to swallow.

"I picked up breakfast for the team"

She looked at him and said "really, why"?

"It's my way of giving back to the people I work with".

She was not an idiot but accepted his explanation of what he did yesterday anyway. Thinking to herself, he never buys anyone breakfast and he is never here before any of us, something is going on. Just then Espo interrupts her thoughts and calls her to the break room she leaves Castle looking back at the murder board. "Whats up Espo?"

"Where did all this food come from"?

She says, "Our generous benefactor out there."

"Who Castle?"

She shakes her head yes.

He can't believe it and says

"Somethings going on here."

"I know right"!

They both look out the break room blind slats and just observe him. After a while, Ryan comes over and asks "what's going on"? "We are trying to solve another mystery Bro."

What could that be Ryan asks?

"Castle was here at zero dark thirty and he sprung for all this food" Ryan looks puzzled and then says, "maybe he is just in a giving mood." Both Espo and Beckett look at him and then he says "What? That might happen."

Meanwhile, Castle has a looked at the murder board since they all went to the break room. He knows that they are looking at him, but he does not want to look back at them and hopes he did not give too much away. They file out of the break room and Kate sits at her desk. "So Castle any wild ideas?" he thinks and says "No I got nothing". OK, Espo I think we need to re-canvas the apartment building tenants to see if we missed anyone, take Ryan and see what you can find out. In the meantime, Me and Castle will meet with Lanie and see if anything pops there. Now he is in trouble he needs to get up from the chair and try to walk normally, boy this was going to be harder than he thought. Walking slowly to the elevator, he keeps staring at the murder board to cover his stiffness. Riding down to the morgue, they step off at the M.E.'s floor. They walk into Lanies office and she greets Kate with a contagious "good morning" Placing her paperwork on the desk she turns to face them. "So Lanie, what have you got for me"? Looking at Castle's face, she can see he is in obvious pain and seeing they way he is shifting his weight from one leg to another she knows something is wrong with him, but she hides her suspicions from them both. She looks back to Kate and tells her that her 1st victim was a 19 y/o male in perfect health and the weapon pierced his heart he never felt anything and died in seconds.

The 2nd victim was 20 y/o female and also in great health. But she had actually suffered a lot more than her boyfriend. She was also impaled, but the killer had missed her heart and she died, but not for about an hour after she was impaled. "So let me get this straight Lanie she could have been alive when we got there"? My guess is she could have been, but that seems highly unlikely. Kate asks why? Because her chest cavity was surrounded by so much blood that it was basically strangling her heart so it would stop beating due to constriction. Kate really wanted to catch this sadistic son of a bitch now. Looking to Castle to see what he thinks she gets a blank look from him. Then Lanie tells Kate that she will have the tox screen results back in about an hour and she will call her later about the results. They both turn to leave, but Lanie catches Castles's eye and when Beckett says, "Thanks, Lanie" he breaks away from her glare. Damn he thinks, she knows something's up.

Lanie is determined to find out what is going on with Castle, she knows that they are in love with each other, but neither of them wants to admit it. It's just so obvious and can't understand why they don't see it so she will take it upon herself to find whats going on. Making a couple of calls it doesn't take her long to find out some information about him because she has very faithful friends in almost every department in almost every hospital in the city the benefits of being the ME. She finally narrows it down to The Metropolitan Hospital Center. But then she comes up against a solid Castle brick wall. Her friend Lynda had found his file and that it seems that he had placed a gag order on all his medical history, and any type of test results that could be accessed from an outside third party. The order, if violated would pull all the funding that he donated to the hospital, and then he would file a very hefty lawsuit. So there was no way anyone would find out anything about him or what he was at the hospital for.

Lanie felt for Kate she is her best friend and she would want to know what was going on with him, but, on the other hand, these results are actually a private issue for Castle's eyes only. She could get the gag order lifted, but it's still against the law for her to invade his medical records even if she is the M.E. of the City of New York, so deciding against it she tells Lynda that she can't take this information she has found.

Now Lanie was having a moral breakdown. Now that she knew that Castle was in the hospital but for what she had no idea. She could not say anything to Kate or her team, hell she could not even let on to Castle that she knew he went to the hospital. So now it was time to put this matter on the back burner and forget about it, if Castle wanted to talk to her about why he was there this would be the only time she would tell him that she already knew he went there. Sure he might be a little mad about her knowing but she would wait for him to come to her and tell her himself. The tox results had come back on both of the murder victims so Lanie called Kate and gave her the news. Everything was normal.

On the third day of the investigation Beckett and Castle were on the 4th floor studying the murder board. It had a lot more information on it than it did yesterday. Ryan and Espo arrived and had come up with nothing from the second canvas yesterday and were just a little too short with Castle when he suggested that there were people who could have been away when they went back to canvas the second time. Espo laid into him saying "Who do you think we are Castle"? "Dime store cops"? "Don't you think that we have already thought of that" screaming very loudly. Rick was crushed that he thought so little of his theory and it was apparent by the look on his face. Espo came back with "Castle your not even a cop so don't go spouting out things we should do during OUR investigation."

Ryan just stopped and looked at Espo "Dude what the hell?" Kate went ballistic and hauled Espo into the break room "Really Javi, What the hell was that out there?" Kate was way past pissed and when Espo said nothing she asked him again. "You know what I am really sick and tired of? It's when Mr. Wannabe comes up with something we have already checked out and he thinks that he's had an original thought". Kate says "I know you really don't mean that right Javi?" waiting before answering her he says, "No I don't it's just this case" "Now I am not really going to tell you what you need to do next, do I?" He looks to the floor and tells her that he will apologize to him he just needs time to get his head straight. Kate returns back to the murder board but noticed that Castle had moved from the murder board back to his seat. Espo walks over and opens his mouth to speak, but Castle raises his hand signaling him not to talk. Kate looks on not knowing what he is going to say.

Detective Esposito, while I am not a duly sworn officer with the city of New York I'd like to let you in on a couple of facts about myself that you are probably unaware of, I am one of about 15 people in this city licensed with a permit to carry a concealed handgun, I am also representative on many large corporations boards that help get laws passed to actually protect police officers against frivolous lawsuits, and lastly I will donate somewhere around three to five million dollars annually to provide most of the patrol officers and detectives with bullet proof vests, tactical gear and equipment. And he continues, and on top of that for the officers who die in the line of duty there is a fund in place that in addition to what the NYPD and State pays, that makes up the difference so families that loose their loved one can live life without wondering if they will be able to make it financially. My company funds that fund. FYI I have been doing this long before I decided to shadow Detective Beckett. But now since you see me as just a Wannabe as you so charmingly put it, I now know that what you think of me has made it so perfectly clear that I am not wanted or needed here anymore. SO Detective Esposito you can keep your imaginary excuse for an apology! I don't need it. Oh and by the way Inspector Clouseau why don't you take a hard look at the Ex-boyfriend. Kate giggled at that comment. Everyone in the 12th heard what Castle said, he was not loud but what drew everyone over was when Espo was yelling at Castle No one had known any of these things about Castle and his generosity.

Ryan, Beckett and Espo were all speechless. They never knew Castle did all these selfless things for the department. Rick got up and limped over to the elevator and waited for it to arrive. Kate watched him limp and wondered what hell that was all about. Kate called out to Castle before the elevator doors opened "So...Castle see you tomorrow? He countered with "Probably not!" and entered the elevator. As Montgomery looked on, he knew this was going to be a problem.

A/N OK so the readers have spoken and happy ending it is, thanks for all the PM's and reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

This was not good Espo had gone way over the line Kate had thought. Montgomery called them all into his office and asked them to have a seat. "What the hell was that out there"? Espo looked away and mumbled "It was all my fau- Montgomery said "your damn right it was your fault what were you thinking?" This man has given his time, resources and above all he has risked his life so many times I can't even count and this is how you treat him! "I will fix this," Espo says quietly "Esposito I am not too sure that you can fix this." Detective Beckett will head over to his home and try to smooth things over but until then you and Ryan will have no contact with Mr. Castle. Ryan looks at him "What the hell did I do?" Sorry, Kevin I just lumped you in with Espo. But I still don't want anyone speaking to him until Beckett has the time to talk to him.

"Your dismissed" they turn to leave and Roy asks Kate to stay behind. Kate I need to know where you and Castle stand? "Excuse me Sir?" "Come on Kate do you think I am that blind, let's be honest here, don't think I haven't noticed what has been happening between you two for about a year now." Her mouth falls open, was it that obvious? "What are you talking about sir?" Kate please don't deny that you might have feelings for him, but there is something I need to tell you, but can't come right out and tell you. She looks at him puzzled. "What is it Sir?" "So you really call yourself a detective do you? Open up your eyes Kate and take a look at whats right in front of your face. Dismissed Detective. She turns and closes the office door. What was that all about she wonders as she walks over to her desk.

What the team did not know is that Roy had an inside informant at the hospital, by the name of Dr. Alexander. Not only was The Metropolitan Hospital Center where Castle had his tests preformed, but this is also the hospital that gives all the new NYPD recruits their medical evaluations. Now all Roy knew is that Castle was in for some tests, but it was not too hard to figure out what he was there for. He was seeing Dr. O'Brien an oncologist, and Castle really never bothered to read the disclosure form he had singed when he agreed to shadow Kate three years ago. It gave the NYPD access to any type of record they wanted to view gag order or not. Roy would never use that to find out what Castle had, he just wanted to make sure he was ok. Roy motioned to Kate she got up and walked in "Detective Beckett since it's late why not take a break from this case and go home" Also tell Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum to go home too. "Sir...which is which," She asks and Montgomery tells her "You figure that out!"

Kate is lost in thought when she gets behind the wheel of her Crown Vic. How is she going to talk to him and was it that obvious that Roy knew that she had feelings for him? Did anyone else think that? This was not going to be easy because she was not one to let her feelings known to anybody.

Meanwhile at the loft, Rick stares at the phone opened up on his desk. The worst he was thinking would never happen, has now become his own hellish reality. The call came about 15 minutes ago just after he got back to the loft he was still pissed at Espo and when the phone rang he never looked at the caller ID and told Espo never to call him again screaming the statement into the phone. But it was not Espo on the other end it was Dr. O'Brien with the results from his tests. Apologizing to no end and then the doctor had asked if he was seated. Continuing, he gave him the bad news. Richard Alexander Castle has been diagnosed with stage 1 leukemia ending the call and dropping the phone back on the desk he thought to himself this was it he thought how am I going to survive this. Walking over to the scotch bottle he had a drink from the bottle he opened the other night he takes a glass and pours, hoping getting blitzed will erase his disease but who is he kidding. After the third glass, he is feeling pretty good.

Startled by the knock at the door, he wobbles over the open it. Looking through the peep hole he sees that it's Kate. What the hell, I can't deal with this now he knows that she is there to ask him to come back. Then she knocks again and rings the bell. Gathering up his nerve, he swings open the door. "So Detective Beckett what do I owe the pleasure for this visit?"

"Hi Castle" can I come in?" He thinks for a while standing in the doorway blocking it "Earth to Castle."

"Oh yes, please do, I'm so sorry I wouldn't want to inconvenience you Detective." Walking past him she smells the scotch on his breath "A little early for a drink don't you think"?

He is not pleased with her comment, "who are you the alcohol police?"

Easy Castle it was just a joke.

Yeah well, I am not in a joking mood, what do you want Beckett?

He was never this pissed at her... ever. "Well, I am here to see if you might consider coming back to shadow me again?"

Raising the glass for another sip "Why Kate?"

"You need to for your research. You need to get more of a back story on Nikki Heat."

"You know Kate I have more than enough information by following you around for the last three years to write the next 25 books."

He turns back to the bar to refill his empty glass. "Rick whats going on."

"Whatever are you talking about Detective?"

"I know something is bothering you if you just open up to me and let me in..."

"Open up to you are you for real?" He thinks about what he needs to say to her, and then lets it all out. You know Kate we are never going to be "with" each other. You never open up to me and you're always going to have your mothers case lurking in the background and I am tired of it. She looks at him with daggers in her eyes "How dare you Castle."

"How dare I, You are not serious are you?" Kate you let this thing consume every inch of your soul and you can't let it go, this case is like a drug and you are just can't let it go can you? And Kate you know they will kill you some day. She looks away from him in disgust and then turns to say something, but he already is talking at her

"You know Kate we kiss and we never talk about it, we almost die frozen in each others arms and we still never talk about it. So you know what I don't know what we are but you know something you won't need to worry about that anymore. You won't have to worry about having the schools funniest kid running around bothering you anymore.

She stops mid-step as he moves back to the bar to refill his glass again. She looks at him with concern. "What has changed Castle."

"Beckett, like I said you don't need to worry yourself over my hurt ego." Now go and take care of Josh leave me in peace alright?

Oh, shit he still thinks I'm still with Josh. She has to tell him that they are done and it ended. "Rick there is something I need to tell you."

"Oh yeah what..."

"About 3 weeks ago me and Josh broke up". Castle is not moved by her statement, "Rick did you hear what I said"? Kate I did and like I told you before we will never be "with"each other. She doesn't get what he is trying to say that is until she starts putting together the clues that were right in front of her face, the limping, the food, the confession of giving his wealth away, and of course Roy's statement.

"How long do you have?" he looks at her shocked but realizes that she is a detective first grade and he knew she would figure it out sooner or later, he was really hoping for later though.

They say about a year, now can you please go back to your life so I can live mine until mine is done with.

"No, Rick there is got to be something we can do right" "Specialists we can call, doctors we can see what about a second opinion?"

"Kate I am told that my leukemia will probably progress to stage 2 very soon and it has a very low survival rate even with the most aggressive chemo and radiation." So even though there might be a cure for an earlier stage of this disease it would not help me".

Wanting to be done with this conversation he moves to the front door. She looks at him with a look of confusion or her face. "Rick whats going on?" Kate I asked you to leave so I could live the rest of my life. Alone! "But Rick why?"

"Kate all we are is partners we don't have a claim to each other right?"

"You have never shown an interest in me or what I could offer you so why on earth would you want to hitch your wagon to a dying mule now?"

"Seriously, think about this for a second in about a year I will be dead and buried and this will leave you heart broken would you really want that?"

I could not let myself in all honesty have you be with me for 12 months knowing what the end result will be?

Kate says, "well I don't think this is your decision to make" Kate that is a great gesture but I am not having this conversation with you. When you return to the 12th please be honest when you tell everyone what has happened with me and why I won't be returning.

Oh and by the way tell Espo that I am sorry I blew up at him and I forgive him totally, it was just all the stress of these damn tests I had to take. Castle opens the door and Kate reluctantly walks towards him "There's nothing I can say to change your mind is there?" He looks at her tenderly and tells her "Just seeing you here in front of me is enough for I have loved a lifetime" She turns and walks through the loft door and takes one step into the hallway as the door closes behind her. She leans back against the door and slides down to the floor crying softly so he won't hear her. What she doesn't know is that he is on the other side of the door doing exactly the same thing and as if it was fate they both let out a quiet whisper at the same time saying "I Love You".

About an hour later she has composed herself enough to leave his loft. Heading back to her car she decides to head home leaving the notification of his condition until the morning.

Getting something quick and easy to eat, she eats thinking of him. Finishing her food she gets herself ready for bed. Tossing and turning most of the night she really can't get a good nights sleep. All she can think about is him. Looking over at the clock, it reads 4:15. So much for sleep she thinks. Starting her morning ritual she is ready to leave in about 40 minutes. Driving into work was never this quick because there was no one out at this hour. She walks through the precinct and sits at her desk. It's now 5:30 am. Sorting through the pile of paperwork, she finishes up notes on 2 other cases and closes them out. Noticing the time the boys should be strolling in soon. She gets up to make a cup of coffee and thinks back to when he brought her coffee from that great coffee shop, they always got her order right. She misses him and should have acted on what she felt in her heart in the loft last night.

Her desk phone rings around 11 and she answers it, to her surprise the line is silent and then she knows exactly who it is. "Alexis are you ok? She says into the empty line. She can hear soft weeping on her end and then that's when she looses it too. Espo and Ryan look over to her desk as they walk in and see that she is crying and wonder why. Hanging up the phone she makes her way out of the 12th and asks the boys to cover her for about 2 hours. "Guys when I get back we need to have a conversation, OK"? They nod and watch her leave the floor. Pulling up at Columbia housing she enters the hall where Alexis stays.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking up to the first floor Kate knocked on Alexis's door. She had a private room the spoils of having a rich father. The door opens slowly revealing a red eyed Alexis Castle. She looks at her and sees her tear stained cheeks and enters the dorm room. Taking her in for a comforting hug she feels herself starting to cry. "What am I going to do Detective?"

"Well first of all from here on out you are going to call me Kate"

"OK Kate"

"Secondly we are going to need to convince your father that his life is worth living and he can't think that his life is over." He needs to know that there are people here on this earth that would miss him greatly if he was gone.

"Alexis we will get him through this I am not giving him up without a fight" But I am going to need to know you are with me so that together we get him the treatment he needs.

"A fight, Kate what are you saying? Do you have feelings for my dad?"

"Alexis I may be an emotionally closed off woman, and never really tell anyone whats on my mind but yes I am in love with your father and I also love you too I can't watch something like this tear you apart."

"So whats our first move"

"He is still at the loft right?"

"Yes I think he is"

"OK this is what we are going to do...

After about an hour talking about how they are going to save Castle they both depart her dorm room and head back the 12th to have a meeting with the whole precinct. Calling everyone to the conference room all ears are on Kate and Alexis. "Can I have everyone's attention please" The room hushed and waited for the duo to continue. For those who don't know, standing next to me is Richard Castles daughter Alexis. What we need to tell you might come as a shock to some of you. Alexis continues "my dad has been recently diagnosed with stage 1 leukemia." Everyone just stood there overcome by they had just heard. Montgomery dropped his face into his hands, Ryan was looking like a ghost. Espo was now feeling like a total ass and is now regretting how he treated his friend the other day.

Now what we want to do is make him feel that he is needed here at the 12th. What we mean is to keep up what you have already been doing with him when you interact with him. Try not to go out of the way to make him feel needed, just go about your day and let him notice that you support him. Together we will get him through this. Thanking everyone the main squad of the 12th hits the streets to protect the city. Roy asks Kate what's next on her list for Rick. Kate tells him that she will need some time off to do a lot of research about his disease. He grants the time off without question. He does this because Kate never takes any time off at all so he knows that she has the time and because one of their own needs their support. Kate thanks him and heads over to where Javi and Kevin are standing "Guys I am going to be away from the team for a couple of days, but you can still reach me by phone but only if you are running up against a wall and need a new direction to go in." Ryan asks what she is going to do and can he and Espo help her? She loves Kevin "Kev I am going to be doing a lot of research about Castles disease. If I can use you I will call OK? He smiles back at her and tells her "He will get through this because he has one hell of a support team!." Java shakes him head in agreement. She is so proud of her friends. So could you guys take a suggestion without getting mad? They both nod, I know that this is like rubbing salt in an open wound Javi but could dig into the ex-boyfriend for me and see what pops? Looking to her with misting eyes he says "On it" Kevin leaves to run the phone records for the ex-boyfriend and watches Kate walk over to Alexis. "Okay, Alexis are you ready for the next phase?" She looks at Kate and smiles with a big smile "I can't wait."

Leaving the 12th they head over to the New York Public Library. It was just about 3pm and they thought they could get at least the basic knowledge of leukemia understood before the library had closed. Even though, it was a blood disease it was one that could be treated if it was not stage 4. Kate remembered Castle telling her that he was soon to be moved from stage 1 to stage 2. This disease was a damn serious disorder Kate read that it attacked from within and the healthy white blood cells would be attacked by the abnormal cells by crowding out the healthy blood cells in the bone marrow. Alexis had found a research article about how the leukemia can spread very quickly and in a matter of months a patient could have gone from stage 1 to stage 3 or 4 in a short amount of time depending what type of leukemia the patient actually had. Looking at each other, they read on. Noticing that it was getting late they decided to gather all the research they had and head out. Getting in the car Kate had mentioned to Alexis that she should consider staying over at her place just for tonight so they could talk and decide what was the best approach going up against their stubborn man.

Alexis thought to herself with all the work Kate has just put in there is no way she could be just a friend to him so she responded with "Kate you are really in love with him aren't you?"

"Alexis you have no idea how much I am in love with him, last night before I decided that he was my one and done I was leaning against the door to the loft crying like a baby I whispered through the door that I loved him" I know that he never heard what I said and I am going to need to get my act together and tell him how I feel but we need to deal with what's right here in front of us first.

"Kate not to be disrespectful of you but that's a line of crap!" "The heart wants what the heart wants" I know that you have heard that before and you know who said it. Before we tell him what we are going to do to save his life, the both of you are going to get your feelings out in the open and resolve this. In the long run it will probably help him with his health. Kate was stunned at her comment, but maybe she was right. Then Alexis said "Kate do you know why I want you and my dad together so baldy?" Again looking across the car she has a blank look on her face. "I am not too sure"

"Well, it's like this Kate not only have you worked your way into my dads's heart you also have found a place in mine as well. For the longest time I have looked up to you, you are a very dynamic woman someone who I want to follow and makes me strive for more in life. I can't describe the feelings I get when we talk together sometimes about anything boys, schools, and just life in general. You are more of a mother to me than my real mom is and I don't want to loose this. So I am asking you to please let him know how you feel OK?. Kate had never realized that her actions had affected more than just Rick. Looking over to Alexis again, she promised that she would. Starting the car she pulled out of the library parking lot and in about 25 minutes they were at her place. Kate had asked "Alexis do you want anything from the pizza place?" Alexis said, "Sure I'd love a ham and cheese calzone."

Sitting down at the table, they ate both thinking about Castle. With dinner done they went into the living room and Kate turned on the 11pm newscast. Alexis had decided to get ready for bed, that was until she heard that one of the topics at the top of the newscast was on a leukemia treatment. That had caught her attention. There was a new type of leukemia treatment that suspends the disease, it does not cure it but it gives the patient time to try to find a permanent cure. Alexis ran over to Kate's couch and almost sat in her lap. Looking at the TV screen, she absorbed all the information that the reported had given. Kate told her that they would call someone in the morning. This was good news.

The loft was a very lonely place, Rick was thinking that his life was over. Not doing even half of the things on his bucket list and he was deeply disappointed. His mother was working on a festival down in Australia. She would not return until late November. Since she was so far from home he decided that the less she knew the better. There was no sense worrying her while she was perfecting her craft. Thinking back to when he made Kate leave last night he was ashamed about how he found about how Kate felt about him. She was unaware of the recent video and audio system he had installed right outside of the loft's front door. It recorded her every move and all of what she had said even if it was at a whisper. He had the smart home device that caught everything she had said. He had rewound it about 50 times and he could not get what she said out of his head...I Love You. He was such an ass not asking her to stay even thought he knew that It was really a terrible idea that they get involved now, Really what would be the point he would be dead inside 10 or 11 months and where would that leave her...brokenhearted. He could not do that the woman he loved. Getting off his chair by the desk, he decided to place an order for food at the local eatery he liked. He was in no mood to clean up after what he had cooked and well he was rich, no time like the present to squander his wealth.

Kate woke with a start she thought she had heard a noise in her apartment and instinctively went for her weapon, but thinking to last night she remembered that Alexis was in the guest bedroom. Quickly holstering her weapon she got up to see if she was OK. Opening the door she watched as Alexis slept soundly. Today would be a long and tedious one, so she let her sleep as long as her body would let her. Heading out to the kitchen to start up her coffee maker she added water to the machine. Yeah this was going to be a really long day...

Alexis got up about a half hour later. Heading into the bathroom she washed her face and brushed her teeth. Coming out she noticed Kate sitting at the Island drinking a cup of coffee. "Lex do you want a cup?" Sure Kate. Kate got up and retrieved a mug from the cabinet and poured her a cup. Placing it on the island counter she was deep in thought when Alexis returned dressed and ready for the day. "Kate...KATE!"

"Sorry Alexis I was just thinking about your Dad"

"What were you thinking?"

"Well what if he has made up his mind about not living?" "He was pretty sure that he was not going to recover from what he has"

"You know what...we are going to need to convince him otherwise."

Kate finished her coffee and got a shower and got dressed. Grabbing all their research, her car keys they went out to try to do the impossible Save Richard Castle!.

To Guest Reviewer: I am thankful for your information about this type of Leukemia. Originally I had Castle being diagnosed with Hairy Cell leukemia which has no cure and takes the patients life between 9 to 15 months. But the readers had wanted a happieroutcome, and I had never changed it back. Again, I thank You


	7. Chapter 7

When Kate and Alexis had arrived at the loft Alexis used her key to enter. There was a mess everywhere. Dirty take out dishes, empty scotch bottles and from the looks of it it had looked like he had a party and invited half of New York to come. This was not what they were hoping for. They were worried when they could not find him anywhere. Checking all the rooms in the loft they finally found him in the bathroom slumped over the toilet with his head near the bowl. Kate was amazed to see that he would have gone this far and think that his life was over.

"Alexis please get the coffee maker brewing, we are going to need a lot of help here."

Alexis turned to the kitchen and worked on getting her dad somewhat sober again. Kate gently placed her hand on Rick's back. Rubbing gently along his spine she felt him stir a little bit and as he tried to raise his head she looked him in the face and then she winced at what she saw. It seems that Rick had had a little too much scotch last night and it looked like he went 5 rounds with George Foreman. His right cheek was cut pretty deep, he had a black eye, and there was dried blood at the end of his nose.

"Rick what happened here?" She really did not expect him to answer her question due to the fact that he was probably still drunk but all she heard was a groggy Castle mention something about falling into the toilet a couple of times. Lifting his arm to her because he wanted to get up. She told him to hang out there for a second because she knew that it would take the two of them to get him back to the bed. Kate called for Alexis and when she got into the bathroom she took a step back and noticed his face, "what happened here?"

"Well, it seems that your dad went a couple of rounds with the toilet bowl here."

"Wow is he okay?"

"I am sure that he will definitively be hung over, but let's get him cleaned up and see where we are OK?"

Getting him up was harder than they thought he was like a sack of potatoes. He really could not help them so they ended up dragging him back to the bed and while standing at the edge of the bed they both grabbed an arm and pulled him up onto it. Getting him out of his robe and pajama bottoms Kate and Alexis covered him up with the comforter. Kate retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom and started taking care of his cuts and bruises. The gash on his cheek was deep and she was not sure but it could have used a couple of stitches, so instead she placed 3 butterfly steri-strips to close his wound. After she was finished with him she thought the eye would hurt the most. He did not look that bad, but he was still going to have a hell of a hangover later on when he gets up later. Going back down to the kitchen, Kate decided to have a cup of coffee with Alexis.

"So how do you think we should move forward," Alexis asked?

Kate said, "Well I really don't think it would be a great idea if we hammer him with all the research we found do you?"

"No, your right lets get him sober and then hit him hard." Alexis smiled and

Kate laughed and said "Since it's almost dinner time I have an idea for something quick that I can throw together would you want me to make it?"

Alexis is amazed at the love she feels for Kate she is always a person to think about what everyone else needs before putting what she wants or needs first.

"Kate I would love whatever you throw together" "Can I help you?"

Kate says, "Sure all we need are 4 things basically" "Can you eat hot spicy foods?

Alexis nods to the positive.

"Okay, we will need about one pound of Angus chopped meat, Heinz brown gravy, Uncle Ben's minute rice, various hot spices and Adobe meat tenderizer and a half pound of shrimp."

"So, could you prepare the rice and I will prep the shrimp and brown the meat while you take care of the rice."

Alexis cherishes moments like these knowing that Meredith is missing out on the closeness that they could share, but instead she is sharing it with her future stepmother she hopes...

"Okay Alexis I am finished with the shrimp and the meat now can you add the gravy to the rice and then we will throw in all together and add the spices."

Just as they finish making their meal an unexpected guest stumbles down the stairs obviously awakened by the tempting aroma of what they were making. He inhales the delicious aroma and wants to ask what that is so "Hey guys what is that great aroma?"

Alexis says, "Dad it's a recipe that Detective Beckett told me was handed down from her mom to her, why are you hungry?"

"I am so famished I could eat a side of beef."

"Kate looks to Alexis and says "Alex do you remember what I told you earlier?"

Alexis looks at her apprehensively and then it hits her "Sorry, Kate."

Kate looks to them exchanging comments and wishes so badly that she was a part of their family. She really needs to get her feelings out in the open and maybe what Alexis said could be true. Maybe if she told Rick that she loved him it might help his recovery.

Finishing up the preparation of what she is making she plates the food and sets it down for the three of them on the table. "I hope you like what Alexis and I have made Rick."

Rick is a little taken back with the use of his first name. She never uses it in a non-police/partner setting. They eat and the topic becomes about the Yankees and Rick asks Kate if she has been to a game recently. She tells him with her current workload she has not been to a game in a while. Either he is still hung over or he is famished but he loves what they have made clearing his plate twice.

They finish their meal and Kate likes what she sees, two people satisfied with what she and Alexis have prepared. Alexis gets up to clear the dirty dishes and then she gets a little close to Kate for her liking, she leans into Kate's shoulder and tells her that now is the time. Kate is unsure what she means, but then she remembers. Gathering up the nerve to ask him to come with her she is at war with what she wants and what she needs to tell him.

"Rick can we move into the living room?"

He tells her "Sure is anything wrong?"

She says, "There is something we need to discuss OK?"

He agrees and gets up from the table looking back to Alexis for some possible explanation, but she just gives him nothing. So he is thinking that she wants him to return back to the 12th giving her and the boys one more chance. He sits down on the leather couch and motions her to sit too. She walks over not too sure where to start. She kicks off her 5 inch heels and sits getting comfortable she draws her legs under her thighs. Flipping her hair she is still unsure about how to start. "Rick there is something I need you to know." Rick looks into her beautiful green eyes knowing that what she needs to say is nothing he should joke about right now. "Go on Kate what is it?"

"Well, I need to make a statement but expressing myself is not always an easy thing with me."

He takes her hands into his and tells her "Just speak from your heart" "It will never fail you" "Just tell me what's in your heart."

Kate thinks about what he just said because he has a way with words, they always make things for her so much easier and then she lets everything she has been thinking about out. "Rick I thought you were a real jackass when I first met you 3 years ago." He looks at her anticipating her next sentence but since she has remained silent he says "Yeah those were the days right!" "Castle please let me finish before you start joking around." "I am trying to be serious here okay?"

He closes his mouth and lets her finish what she needs to say.

"Well, a lot of things have happened since then."

Alexis looks over to Kate and she hopes that she can get out what she really needs to say to him.

"Rick I am in love with you and not just like a playground crush, what I mean to say is that I am mind, body and soul totally in love with you I have been for quite a while."

Rick's mouth falls open and he can't believe what she has just told him. He flashes back to the security tablet he had rewound 50 times yesterday and thought why now.? Was she just yanking his chain?

Kate stares blindly at Rick waiting for some type of response. Alexis now walks over and sits down on the coffee table noticing the blank look on his face. "Dad" he is still comatose state "Rick" Kate calls out. Rick is thinking about a response, but it's like he is daydreaming. Finally, he moves. "Kate I am glad that you have come to terms with what you are feeling towards me." "And the fact that you have finally made this known, but there is still one little problem."

Kate looks at him unassumingly and waits for him to continue.

"Kate why now?" "What your telling must have been a weight lifted off your shoulders and I am glad that you have faced your innermost secrets, but I have been in love with you ever since our 3rd case" "I am glad that you have realized what I had known all along but your admission still won't change the fact that after about a year I won't be here any longer."

Alexis chimes in and tells her dad "You know you should not really open your mouth until you have all the facts"

Rick looks at his daughter with a perplexed look on his face "Alexis what aren't you telling me?"

Kate loves their interaction and she can't wait until Alexis gives him the news.

"Kate would you want to continue?"

"Alexis I have already said my peace now it's your turn." Castle is now lost with what's happening around him between his two girls. "can I ask what is going on...please?"

Alexis starts with "Dad we are to try to accomplish two tasks here the first was already revealed and the next is that myself and Kate think that we have a possible plan of attack for your leukemia. We were researching your disease and possible cures at Kate's apartment last night, when sometime around 11pm we were watching the news at her place and the reporter came on with a report that a drug company was having positive results with using a drug that actually stunts the progression of leukemia.

Castle looks over to Kate and with the look on his face asks her if this is true. She simply nods yes. He pulls both of them in for a huge full bear hug. Neither of them can hardly breathe because he really is a big guy and they are so petite so he lets go and then hugs each of them individually. Now that he has a possible new lease on life he wants to know what they had found out. Kate and Alexis grab a hand of his each and pull him over to the kitchen breakfast bar and show him where they had all their research set out. Pouring over all the information Castle was starting to see that there might be a way to beat what he has. He is amazed at the work that they put into finding out if there was actually a cure. They talk at length for about 3 hours and after they have considered all the options Rick asks "well what do you two think?"

The both of them tell him that they should really investigate the information from the news report. There might be a trial drug that they could get him on and start trying to find a permanent cure while he was in a suspended state. Rick concluded their meeting and was so happy that he had asked Alexis to go to her room. She looked at him with a sour face and asked why. He told her that someone had just confessed their love for him and he wanted to talk to her about it. She understood and excused herself to him and Kate. Kate threw a wave, winked, and said goodnight while Rick walked up to her and thanked her for all her hard work while he hugged her.


	8. Chapter 8

Rick had watched his daughter ascended the stairs to her bedroom. He thought about all the work that both her and Kate had put into finding him a cure, but now there was another issue he needed to address.

"So I hear that someone is in love with me," he said to her.

She looked up to him as he made his way over to the couch. "So Castle how is your hangover.?"

"Kate stop deflecting me now, not right after you told me 3 minuets ago that you were in love with me." "and I am not hung over, maybe a little woosie, but not hung over."

"Rick I am sorry, I have been through a lot in the past 36 hours and I am a bit embarrassed about how I told you I love you."

"Kate don't ever feel like that if you had not said anything to me tonight I don't think that we would be sitting here together having this conversation right now."

"Rick what are you saying exactly.?"

"Well Kate you know how you found me right?" "Well I was seriously thinking about drinking myself into a place where I could be without feeling any pain and if that meant staying inebriated for months until I was past a actual recovery, then I was willing to do just that."

"Rick what about your Mom and Alexis, and for that matter what about me?"

"Kate I had thought that we were just partners and that you had never loved me so I was operating under the assumption that you were OK with us just being partners." "I really never thought that you would do what you did to try to find a cure for me."

She looked at him directly but almost in a haze and thought what her life could be with him, and in a split second she had seen them married, taking care of 4 children, watching them grow to become adults and then see their children start lives of their own. After starting lives of their own she watched them as older citizens sitting on the back deck in the Hamptons getaway house reminiscing about what they had accomplished in their lifetime. Then, startled by his gentle touch he had brought her back to where they were right now. Placing his hand on her cheek he had aroused her back to the present.

"Kate...are you OK?"

Returning to the present she wanted what she had envisioned in her daydream.

"Rick I need you to know that we are going to do everything in our power to get you past this point of your illness and get you healthy again."

With that, he asked her if she would do something for him. It almost knocked her on her ass...

"Kate, Alexis is probably sleeping and Mother is with her troupe, I was wondering if you would do me a favor?" "I have not been sleeping well the past couple of nights because of the strain of these tests I have taken and I have had a bad nightmare or two, but would you mind sleeping with me tonight?"

Kate was breathless, that he would even think about asking her something like this. She did just tell him that she loved him but after some serious consideration she was just about to say yes when he chimed in and told her "I promise no funny business OK?"

She smiled from ear to ear and told him "Rick about that funny business..."

Waking the next morning Alexis had ventured over to the kitchen and while she walked through the living room she noticed a pair of Dolce & Gabbana leather and suede 5" pumps laying idle near the couch, a blue blazer draped over the dining room chair and thought to herself that well at least this part of their plan had been well executed. Starting the coffee maker Alexis thought of how Kate and herself would make the transition between good friends and mother and daughter type of relationship. The coffee machine was emitting a wonderful aroma and her thoughts went to Kate. She longed to share her life with her in more ways then what they have already done.

Kate smelled the heavenly scent of coffee. It was a wonderful scent, but then again Rick had the resources to get any kind of coffee he wanted. Waking next to Rick they fit so well together that she really did not want to leave him, but her body had other ideas. Nature was calling. Very carefully and making sure to keep him asleep, she slid off the bed and went to the bathroom and made an attempt to look presentable. She felt a slight chill walking to the bathroom wearing nothing but a smile. She admired her form in the full-length mirror after closing the bathroom door. Last night was exceptional. She was thinking back to what they both had done last night, Rick had brought her to climax 4 times. She never realized how talented he was with his tongue. He never thought of himself when he was giving her ohh so much pleasure but when she had questioned him about his own satisfaction, he replied with "Kate just being here and being able to make you so happy is really all I need. Not taking his answer to heart she told him "Rick I meant what I said earlier last night, I am unconditionally and totally in love with you." He looked at her with concern in his eyes. "Kate I have no doubt in my mind that what you told me was from your heart and you can never go wrong by listening to what it wants."

She asked him "Rick I want you to make love to me, while I appreciate how you are able to please me in other ways there is no way that you shouldn't enjoy what we we can share together."

Her mind thinks back to how much they were able to give of themselves, and when she had released her whole body and soul to the man she had totally loved. He had made love to her and even though he was able to please her orally, she felt a bond that would not be severed when they made love. Checking herself in the mirror she opened the bathroom door and quietly watched Rick in the bed gently breathing. He was lying in the bed with the sheet draped over his thighs but she could see his broad chest. What a sight she thought she watched him lying there for about 5 minuets.

Leaving the bedroom she was shocked at what she saw. It was almost a 5 course breakfast. Alexis had not only made coffee but she had made pancakes, eggs 3 types scrambled, sunny side up and over easy, sausage links and patties, and waffles. Kate was amazed and asked Alexis "What is all this food for?"

Alexis replied "Well I would guess that the both of you will need some energy so I figured that you would be starving by now."

Kate's face turned about 2 shades of red.

"Alexis you really out did.."

Alexis had cut her off mid sentence "So Kate how was it?"

Alexis you have no idea how happy I am right at this very moment." "You have an amazing father."

"Well, I am glad that we at least accomplished something."

Kate retreated to where Alexis had set up all the food, took a plate and added a little of everything she had made. Sitting down at the breakfast bar, she ate heartily. Alexis did the same. After they were finished eating Kate got up and walked oven to Alexis. Asking her to stand she compiled and then without warning she drew Alexis into her for a hug, Alexis was not expecting what she was offering but after a second she wrapped her arms around Kate and hugged her back. This is how people who love each other show their feelings. With the hug over they started thinking about how to tackle the next problem at hand and how to contact the drug company that had the drug that could give Castle a fighting chance.

They had made a list of things they needed to do. In the meantime, Kate thought she would give the boys and Captain Montgomery an update. Calling Ryan's cell phone, he answered on the second ring.

"Beckett, So how is Castle.?"

Kate told him about the trial drug that they were trying to get him on. But they were still in the fact finding mode. Kate asked to speak to Javi, Kevin handed the phone to him and he gave his trademark answer "Esposito" with emphasis on the "O."

Javi it's me Kate, I just wanted to tell you that Castle forgives you for what happened between the both of you the other day at the precinct. He blamed his shortness on the tests he needed to take, they were very traumatic to him.

Espo is trying to swallow the lump in his throat and he tells Kate "Kate you tell that man he has nothing to apologize for what so ever." "I was an ass and I should be telling him that I was the one at fault." "I just hope he is able to find it in his heart to forgive me."

Kate thinks about his last statement and she can't imagine Castle not being able to forgive their friend. She disconnects the call and looks to Alexis and says "Are you ready.?"

"Never have I been so ready in my life."

Calling the drug company that produced the drug they needed more information on, they were starting to think that they were getting the run around. They were being transferred from one department to another and getting no results. It had been hours and then finally they got a break, but not from the Public Relations Department as they thought, but they somehow they got connected to a Research and Development staff member and it just so happened that she was working on the very same drug they were asking about. Her name was Jo Ann Bardin. She was the lead researcher on the new drug. She had asked how Kate had gotten her extension here and Kate could not provide a straight forward answer. All she told her that was she had been on the phone for the last four and a half hours trying to get just a little but of information.

Jo Ann Bardin had been the lead researcher on this new dynamic drug that they had actually discovered by mistake. It was the result of two parts of their R & D staff coming up with the two main ingredients that led to the discovery of this promising new drug. The staff had the idea of combining the the root oils of the Polygala X dalmaisiana plant with that of the cone snail toxin commonly known as zicontide The team with going through the trials required for the FDA and was just about to start testing the drug on human subjects. The trials on the animal subjects were very promising. There was also an added benefit also. It seemed that this new drug had also been able to reverse the devastating effects that diabetes had brought on in about 78% of the animal test subjects. All Jo Ann needed was the final approval from the FDA to start administering this drug to the people who needed it.

Asking Kate why she was calling her she was still waiting for an answer.

"Jo Ann my boyfriend has leukemia and I was wondering if he might be eligible for this new drug that your company is developing."

"I'm sorry who are you again?"

"My name is Kate Beckett and my boyfriend is Richard Castle."

"Wait... the mystery novelist?"

"Yes, one in the same."

"Okay So, what would do you want to know?"

"I need to know if we can get a two-month supply of this drug that you are developing for leukemia?"

"Kate what are you talking about?" "We are only just now finished up with animal subject testing about two weeks ago and now we are still about four or five months away before we can start testing this drug on human subjects."

Kate's heart sunk to it's lowest point. This was not the news she had hoped for. Alexis would be crushed.

"Jo Ann is there any way to speed up the distribution for this drug?"

Jo Ann tells her that there is no way that she will be that careless with a drug that could be so beneficial to all patients. But on the other hand she knows her boyfriends diagnosis is a life threatening disease.

"Kate I am not promising you anything, but there could be a trial sometime in the near future that we might be able to get Richard into."

Kate thanks her and gives Jo Ann all the information on Rick and his background.

Hanging up her cell phone she looks to the call timer on the phones face and notices two things the battery is almost dead and the last call she was on was a little under six and a half hours. She stretches her tired body. Looking around for Alexis she notices her there asleep on the love seat. She was probably tired of Kate being on the phone for so long and fell asleep waiting. Walking over to the love seat she kneels down to where she can see Alexis face, nudging her gently she wakes quickly and a little startled.

"Kate?"

"Lex it's OK now I have some news, but I am sure it can wait until tomorrow morning."

"Why don't we get some sleep and in the morning I will make breakfast"

Sleepily she agrees and gets up to head to her bedroom, it's just shy of midnight and she needs some sleep.

With Alexis on her way to dreamland Kate turns to Ricks bedroom. He has been asleep since before she had placed her call to the drug company. Opening the door she sees him there sleeping soundly and just takes him in...he is amazing.


	9. Chapter 9

Yes, he was amazing and he was hers. Now if she could only get Jo Ann to admit him to be on the trial for this new drug they would be set. As she watched him breathe in and out while he slept. She wondered if this was all going to work out. She had loved him for quite some time but was his sickness the reason she had let him know this? She did not really know the answer to that question, but she was sure that he had really loved her from the beginning of their pairing, but she really wanted to take their love to the next level. She wanted to be Mrs. Rick Castle. Now thinking to herself before she makes her devotion known they should really get him through what he needs to deal with now.

Walking over to the bed she slips between the sheets and instantly feels the semi-warm heat of his body, it's a feeling that she never wants to forget. Wrapping her arm around his arm and upper chest she draws him into her small frame. Within seconds, she is asleep and dreaming of what they could be together. It seems like five minutes, but it has actually been nine hours since she laid down next to him. She wakes with a chill and notices that he must be freezing, but he is still fast asleep and she can't help but think how he can sleep through it all with her body against his. He has been sleeping since about eight o'clock last night. Then it hits her she never remembers him getting close to her like he did the night before after they had made love together.

Reaching around to his wrist she places her index finger onto his radial artery on his wrist looking for a pulse. She is not feeling anything there and then goes to his neck and feels his carotid artery, finding something that closely resembles a faint pulse she screams for Alexis to come into his bedroom. Jumping up to roll him onto his back she looks for any sign of life in his eyes. What she sees scares her to death his eyes are more of a gray blue rather than Persian blue that his eyes usually are. Something is terribly wrong here.

Alexis runs into the bedroom not knowing whats going on. She is a bit ashamed and looking away because Kate had not realized that she was topless. She had a sport brief on but on top she was au natural.

"Kate" Alexis looked at Kate and did not really want to stare but she made the comment "I know that you and my dad are now used to seeing each other undressed, but however while I think the female body is an amazing form, I am not one who appreciates seeing a half naked woman in my dads bed."

Kate looked down and immediately drew her arms across her breasts and turns about 10 shades of crimson red. Kate runs over to the bathroom and throws on a Giants jersey Rick had hanging on the back of the bathroom door. While she is running into the bathroom Kate tells Alexis to dial 911 and let them know whats up, doing so the 911 dispatcher asks Alexis what the nature of her call is. Walking back into the bedroom fully covered she asks Kate to take the phone and relay his symptoms. "Hello, this is Detective Beckett 12th precinct homicide division."

"Yes Detective what is your situation."

"I have a 43 year old male with shallow breathing, clammy skin, and very low blood pressure, and he also seems to be very dehydrated."

"Detective we have a bus in route and please stay on the line with me until they get there okay?"

Kate agrees and then the dispatcher tells her to do the following If the person in distress has any binding clothing either remove them or loosen them. Get a cold compress and place it on his forehead. Lay him flat on the bed and keep an eye on his pupils.

Kate moves to get Castle flat on the bed and asks Alexis to get a hand towel soak it in cold water and bring it back to her. Kate pulls Castles eyelids up and notices that his pupils are equal and responsive to light.

Alexis returns with the compress and she places it on his forehead. He is wearing boxers and a tight t-shirt so she pulls him up to a sitting position and removes his t-shirt. His body is unresponsive as she lays him back down on the bed. Placing the compress back on his head and gives Alexis a concerned look.

"Kate what's wrong with my dad?"

"Alexis I think his blood pressure had dropped pretty low because he is severely dehydrated."

"But Kate how did this happen he was fine last night and we both saw him before he went to bed."

'Yes, but Alexis I hadn't really checked in on him because I was on the phone for like forever and when I got done you were asleep and we just went to bed."

There was a knock on the door and Alexis had run to the door to let EMT's into the loft. Rolling the stretcher into his bedroom they quickly assessed Rick. Kate stood by and watched in total panic as they were checking his vitals and checking his airway. Sliding him closer to the side of the bed thanks to the silk sheets on the bed they lifted him onto the stretcher and secured him to it. Raising the stretched to hip level they rolled him out of the bedroom and to the elevator. Then with lights and sirens they were off.

Kate needed to get to the hospital and asked Alexis to come with her because she needed to have someone to lean on right now, and she thought that Castle would never leave her alone. Both of them getting dressed they were in Kate's unmarked before they knew it. The ride to Columbia was a nightmare, Kate was really tempted to throw on her strobe lights and drive on the wrong side of the road just to get around some of these deranged New York drivers. Finally getting to open up the police interceptors engine she hit just about 110 miles per hour heading north on the west side highway. Exiting at 158th street and moving north on riverside drive they were still pouring on the gas. It was only a quick 8 blocks and they would be there. Three minutes later they were pulling up to the Emergency entrance. Parking in the official parking area both Kate and Alexis ran from the car and to their surprise they had beaten the ambulance to the hospital.

Waiting by the E.R. Entrance, they spotted the ambulance as it pulled up to the E.R. bay and walked to the first set of double doors. They watched anxiously as EMT's pulled the stretcher out of the back of the rig. Rolling him into the E.R. Lobby, Alexis reached out and took his hand it was stone cold. The trauma nurse asked EMT's what the status was for the patient and they told her his status. Wheeling him into trauma room #2 they quickly took over his care. First order of business they needed to do was start pumping fluids into him. Getting out the IV kit, she has placed the IV needle into his arm and tapes it off. Starting a bag of lactated ringers she took his pulse and checked his pupil response, now it was just a matter of waiting while his body recovered from the fluids now coursed through his veins.

Alexis and Kate were waiting in the ER chairs and while they were worried about Ricks condition they hoped that they were in time to save him. Walking out to the chair area, Dr. Wallace was looking for the family of Mr. Castle.

"Family of Mr. Castle?"

Kate and Alexis had both jumped from the chairs. Surrounding him, they waited patiently waited for an update.

"Hello, I am Dr. Wallace, I am going to give you the current status of your umm father?"

Dr. Wallace was sure that Alexis could have been his daughter but was unsure of Kate's relationship with Castle.

"Miss may I ask what your relationship to the patient is?"

Alexis was quickly ready with an answer "Dr. Wallace Miss Beckett is my Dad's fiancée."

Kate looks over to Alexis and gives her a look of displeasure

Alright, well now what I am going to tell you is not going to effect Mr. Castle in the long run. While his leukemia will certainly play a critical role in his recovery and most likely his current condition he somehow had become very dehydrated and this condition has dropped his blood pressure so dangerously low that it was life threatening. If the two of you had not called for the ambulance when you had things might have turned out a little bit differently.

He will be on an intravenous saturation of fluids to get re-hydrated. This will probably be for about 4 to 6 hours. We will monitor him very closely during this time.

"Do you have any questions for me?"

Kate spoke first "Dr. Wallace do you think it might be possible to have Rick home tonight?"

Dr. Wallace replies "Miss Beckett we here at Columbia have come to the conclusion that treating a patient starts with the family." "While we could be considered as an extended family, we try to look to a more caring family to fill that void." "From what I see in front of me Mr. Castle has a very loving family" "I am inclined to think that around noon or 1 pm we should have Mr. Castle home by then, or at the least have him processed to leave, if you will just bear with me, there a couple of tests that I'd like to run on his prior diagnosis." "Would this be alright for the two of you?"

Both Kate and Alexis nod in approval. Being that it's almost 10 am Kate thinks that it would be a good idea to have a little talk with Alexis. Being close to Columbia, she knows of a very secluded coffee shop that has the most wonderful food to have with their coffee. It has been 11 years since she has set foot in this coffee shop. It is in Washington Heights not too far from where her mom's old practice was. Opening the door, she sees the lady behind the counter all of a sudden there is a loud shriek

"Katie Bug How are you baby?"

Kate is a little taken aback by the mention of her nickname her father gave her when she was little.

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"My name is Amy and when you were younger somewhere around eighteen you and your mom would come into my shop and spend hours talking about what was going on with your life."

"Hello Amy I do remember you I'd like to introduce my friend here to you." "Her name is Alexis Castle."

"Wait that name sounds familiar, Alexis isn't your Dad the famous mystery writer?"

Alexis looks down to her feet and nods yes.

"Amy you will have to forgive Alexis, her father is in the hospital as we speak."

Amy inquires "Columbia?"

Kate tells her "Yes, but hopefully he should be discharged later this afternoon."

"Can I ask what for?"

Kate looks to Alexis and she gives Kate a look of approval. "Well, Amy you see he has leukemia and he was admitted for severe dehydration earlier this morning."

Amy looks like a ghost "Kate is he going to be alright?"

"We hope so, the doctor thinks he will be fine." "that is except for his leukemia."

"Well, Kate and Alexis whatever you would like to order from the menu it will be on the house."

Kate looks at Amy and tells her "Amy that will not be necessary." "We will pay for what we order."

"Kate listen to me when you and your Mom had come here to sit, drink coffee and eat good food while you and you're mom both had talked about your future, this was something I had missed with my daughter."

Kate remembers Amy's daughter and then gives in without any further arguments.

They placed their food order and walked over to a table for two.

"Kate what did she mean about everything we order is on the house?"

"Alexis, Amy did have a daughter and by now she would be close to your age."

"Kate what do you mean she would be close to my age?"

"When my mom would take me here we would have coffee and a danish or a scone and talk about what my mom thought I should do with my future."

"Amy was totally in awe of what we had as a mother and daughter and she tried to get that with her daughter Chris."

"One day after Amy pushing too hard to connect with Chris, things were said and she was mad at Chris and then she took off running out of the store. It was raining that afternoon and when Chris had hit the sidewalk she had so much momentum that she slid off the sidewalk and fell into the street. There was a police chase heading straight down Fort Washington Avenue. The 33rd precinct cops were in pursuit of a triple murderer, his car never stopped as it ran over Chris."

"Amy was devastated and still to this day blames herself for what happened to Chris."

"Kate did she know it was not her fault?"

"Alexis you need to know that Amy would never deliberately place blame on anyone else but herself, she is just that type of person."

With that last comment, a waitress delivers their order.

"Alexis I need to know what you were thinking when you told the doctor that me and your dad were actually engaged?" "When he has never really asked me to be his wife?"

"Well, Kate I did it for two reasons, the first being that if I did not tell the doctor that you were engaged to dad you would have no rights to hear what he was going to tell us." "This would be unacceptable we are in this together...right?"

"The second reason is that I am selfish."

"Alexis what are you talking about?"

"Kate I want you as my mother." "You might think that this a selfish thought, but you have been more of a mother to me than my biological mother has ever been and even though I am 18 I feel more of a connection to you than my real mom."

Kate is floored. She never knew Alexis had ever felt this way. There was never an indication of what she wanted before, so why the change.

Finishing their coffee and food they look to Amy, who says to them "Kate and Alexis you are welcome back anytime, and Kate, by the way, please don't stay away for so long next time okay?"

Kate looks to her and tells her "Amy I will try to be here on a regular basis OK.?"

With that done they head out and make their way back to Columbia. Hoping that they can get Castle home.

Walking into the ER they check in with the trauma nurse they had met earlier and ask about Castles condition. The nurse is happy to say that since they have been away he has regained conscious, and he has been asking about them...


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Alexis and Kate looked at each other not knowing if they should run or walk to his room. Asking the floor nurse what room he was in they turned away and walked very quickly towards his room and then almost to his door they were just about skipping. It was almost comedic they both tried to walk through the entry door at the same time. They were for a second stuck between themselves and the door jamb. Castle was on his back lying in bed watching the whole episode unfold right in front of him. He was laughing uncontrollably. They both looked up at him and smiled at each other and they too started to laugh at the scene they had caused.

"Well at least you have not lost your sense of humor dad" Alexis remarked.

"No pumpkin it's still there but that was a sight to see."

The nurse who was recording his vitals on the chart also had a very small smile on her face. "Mr. Castle, it looks like all your levels are rising very nicely, but with the exception of your calcium." "It still is a little on the low side, but after that rises I see no reason to keep you here any longer." "The doctor will be in in a little bit to go over your test results."

"Thank you" The nurse leaves the room starting to giggle.

Kate and Alexis walk over to each side of his bed and each of them grab a hand.

Kate says "Rick we have some promising news."

"Yeah dad there is something we need to tell you about your treatment."

"Oh really?"

Kate continues "Yes Rick we have some news that might help with your leukemia."

"We found out that the drug company we told you about might possibly have a drug trial the you could be eligible for."

Just as Kate finishes her sentence Dr. Wallace enters the room.

"Good afternoon Miss Beckett, Miss Castle, and Mr. Castle, I have some great news on 2 fronts." "First front your calcium levels have risen to the point that we no longer intend to keep you here."

"Second I overheard you talking about a drug trial that you were trying to get into, is that correct?"

They all said yes at the same time.

"Well I have a some great news for you, after you were admitted I told your dad that I needed to run another battery of tests for your initial diagnosis for your leukemia."

"The results of the additional tests that I requested have painted a brighter picture for your treatment regarding your leukemia." "There seems to be a way that we can get you into that trial quickly due to the results of your tests."

"It seems that you are an excellent candidate to be a guinea pig of sorts." "I had no idea that the both of you women had talked to my colleague Ms. Jo Ann Bardin."

"While we have worked together in the past trying to find a cure for some of these diseases, your case presents a unique dynamic."

"Since you are nearing stage two of this disease we are most likely going to forgo the initial testing because it was done here today." I don't see a reason that you should not be denied these trial drugs, so after you are discharged you will need to go over to the outpatient clinic here in the hospital and meet with the team who will admit you into the trial."

Kate and Alexis look at each other and can't believe the news that they just heard. They are quiet until Alexis makes this statement to the doctor "Dr. Wallace, can you tell us why Jo Ann lied to us?"

"Wait what do you mean, what are you talking about...I just spoke to her about your fathers case about a half an hour ago." "She seemed to be happy that we had a willing candidate for this trial."

"Last night Kate was on the phone with the drug company for just under 7 hours, and at first we were getting the run around from every department there." "When we finally got a hold of someone who knew something Jo Ann told us that the trial for this drug was weeks maybe months away."

Raising his hand to quiet them he explains "Kate, Alexis while I am aware that you have done extensive research for this drug you need to understand Jo Ann was telling you the truth."

"There are corporate spies that are also trying to get their own drugs approved for trials also and, well you always need to be careful." "They will do anything to gain information from a rival company so I can see her reluctance in giving you all the information you requested." "I know that this might sound a bit callus but this company that is producing the drug has been on high alert that there might be companies that might send their own people in to get these secrets from them."

"So while you were not really lied to, you were not told the whole truth either."

"We are going to do everything in our power to see that he gets the treatment to beat this disease."

Kate looks over to Rick and Alexis and a tear glides down her cheek. Before long Alexis is doing the exact same thing. Rick is not going to give in but by the way he is looking at them both he can't stop from joining them. Dr. Wallace leaves the room and the girls drop Castles hands and join him on the hospital bed he raises his arms and then pulls them both in for a long strong hug.

Processing Rick out of the hospital was a breeze. They made short work of all the paperwork and before long he was in a wheelchair being rolled down to the outpatient wing of the hospital.

"I am well enough to walk, so let me!" All they were hearing was that he was that he was not paralyzed and he should not be wheeled around like he was. Kate was laughing on the inside she thought that while he thought he was in control he actually wasn't.

"Rick there are procedures that the hospital needs to follow." Transporting you in the wheelchair is one of them, so don't bitch."

Rick slumps down in the chair and agrees with her "Okay."

Arriving at the outpatient department they checked in with the trial coordinator and then they sat down at the end of the line of chairs to wait. Castle had been relieved of his wheelchair and was sitting next Kate and Alexis. Holding each of their hands he had a thought that he needed to get out of his head.

"Kate, Alexis I need to say something and I am not too sure how to start."

Kate looks to him and sees his eyes start to glaze over "Rick what is it?"

"Yeah dad what has you so worried?"

"While I am confident we will be able to get into this trial, what if it wont help my case? I really don't want to get my hopes up and be right in the same boat 3 months later."

Kate looks to Rick and sees the worry written all over his face taking his hand in hers she is amazed that this man can be so concerned about what other people he cares about feels.

"Rick there is a great chance that you will get into this trial. The doctors that want to admit you think that your chances are excellent for beating this."

Alexis adds "Dad you can not be negative with whatever happens now, this is not the father I know and love." "He would look at beating this thing head on and never look back so I don't want to hear any doubts that you might be thinking about."

Rick looks at the both of them and nods his head. He can do this with the support of the girls he loves so dearly. Finishing his thought a voice calls out his name.

"Mr. Castle?"

"I am right here, but please call me Rick."

"Hello Rick my name is Dr. Sarah Cho, and I will be getting you started on this trial for your leukemia. The path that will be taking will be a long and tough one to follow." "Are you ready?"

Rick asks "What do you mean Dr. Cho?"

"Rick please call me Sarah alright?"

"Alright, so Sarah what did you mean by that last statement?"

"Rick not to be disrespectful but I really don't feel comfortable speaking about your treatment in front of people I don't know."

"Oh I am so sorry, please forgive me where are my manners. This amazing girl sitting to my right is my daughter Alexis. And this strikingly beautiful woman to my left is Detective Kate Beckett."

Kate turns 6 shades of red and offers her hand to Dr. Cho for a handshake. She extends her own and gives Kate a quick handshake.

"Rick can I ask why you have an NYPD Detective protecting you, are you that famous to warrant such a security detail?"

Rick laughs at that thought and was just about to explain when Alexis told her what was going on. "You see Dr. Cho Kate here is not my dads protective detail. He shadows her for research for his books. But now I think that it has progressed a lot further than that." Now it's Ricks turn to blush but he turns to Alexis and gives her a look that says _we will talk about this later._

"So Rick what I need to tell you will be a lot to absorb." "First you will need to be here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Then you will need to alternate every other Saturday and Sunday." "You will be fitted with an injection port somewhere around your stomach this will eliminate the need for direct injections. "The port will need to be cleaned every day to prevent any type of infection."With the port installed you come in get your dose of this drug and then you are a free man."

"While this drug is still in its infancy we are not too sure of all the reactions it has on human test subjects. Since you are one of ten people participating in this trial we will need to monitor the effect this drug has on you very closely." This drug will affect you and your group differently." "While there are very minor risks by participating in this trail. You need to know if there is anything that feels out of the ordinary please do not hesitate to contact me here at the clinic. Every time you receive a dose of meds you will be asked to complete a small survey dealing with your health and emotional status."

Rick looks confused but he looks over to Kate and he sees that she has her I-phone out and was recording the whole conversation. He smiles at her and she flashes a small smile back to him. Alexis is just staring at Dr. Cho not grasping the whole concept. But after a while she understands.

"Remember Rick if there is anything that you are unsure of while you are in this trial, please don't think twice about getting in touch with me, I am serious."

Rick looks her right in the face and says "You have my word."

Feeling better then when they had arrived this morning they were upbeat but very very exhausted.

"Dr. Cho are we ready to go, I mean is there anything else that you need to tell us?"

"No Kate we are just about finished here, but there is one last thing I need to give Rick."

Reaching into her lab coat she pulls out an outpatient wrist band and secures it to his left wrist. "Rick when ever you arrive to get your dose of this medication it is imperative that your ID bracelet is scanned before receiving the dose."

Rick nods and then she tells them that they are all finished. Rising up off the seats they all gather their things and head out of the hospital. Each having their own separate thoughts but all hoping for one pleasant outcome. Walking out through the front sliding glass doors the crisp fall air is refreshing. Walking on the side walk it is Alexis who speaks first drawing Kate and Rick out of their thoughts.

"Since we are close why don't we walk the rest of the way home?"

Kate thinks for a second and asks "Why don't we stop for something to eat along the way? There is a great little Italian place not too far from here."

Rick adds "And they have a great dessert cart!"

"So it's settled dinner out and then maybe a movie night?"

Both of his girls agree. They walk slowly to the restaurant and enter. Asking the hostess for a table for 3 she leads them to a cozy table where they can sit and reflect on the day they just had. Ordering their meals they are all in a haze after the day they have had.

"Rick are you going to be able to deal with this trial?"

"Kate I am looking to be on this earth for a long long time, so there is nothing that will keep me from being there for this trial." He leans over and gently places a kiss on her sweet moist lips. She responds with a passionate kiss of her own.

"Hey you two could you get a room please?"

They both turned to look at her and were wearing a smile so large Alexis could not help but laugh out loud. Cooling their teenage desires they eat the food that has arrived. Believing that Rick had only made up the dessert cart, but as she looks towards the kitchen a waiter comes out with an actual cart with all kinds of baked goods. Kate looks at Rick and his eyebrows and wiggling up and down in anticipation. As the cart makes it to their table they each select something from it and enjoy. When they are finished Rick raises his hand to signal the waiter for the check. Paying the tab, he leaves a hefty tip for the great meal they have just eaten. Getting up to leave he asks "So is everyone ready to go home?"

Kate thinks for a second or two and tells Rick "Rick while I am happy with the way things have work out today, I really can't impose on you and Alexis and and stay with you. I have my own place to go to."

Rick wants her in his life forever now and will not take no for an answer. Alexis frowns at her last comment and she can see the conflict in her dads eyes. Thinking very carefully he forms his response.

"Kate if it was not for you and Alexis the outcome would have been so much different. You have saved me in more ways than a person can. I need you in my life and I will do anything to show that we are more than partners." "I am so very serious about you moving in with me so much I can't imagine my life without you at my side, but if you need some time to think about what I am asking then that's fine too."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The trial was going well. Rick was feeling better and stronger every day since he started receiving the trial drug. It had been six weeks since the trial had started and with the exception of the health survey he needed to give every time he got his dose of the drug he was happy with the way it was going. There were nights where he could not sleep and after going to bed he would sleep lightly and any little noise would wake him. There were times he would just lie awake in bed looking at the smoking hot detective lying next to him.

It was a feeling that made him fall in love with her all over again. She took only one day to make him so happy. She agreed to move in with him the next day. She did however have one small request though. She wanted to retain the lease on her place. It was the first weekend that he was in the trial and he had arranged to have all of her stuff moved to the loft by Sunday. Most of her belongings, her everyday things were brought over first. Then came the decision to sort out what she big items she wanted to put into storage. After looking at her almost barren apartment, she decided to donate her things to a thrift store rather than store them.

The thrift store had sent a box van to retrieve her furniture. With everything done and moved to the loft, Kate and Rick stand in a now empty apartment. Rick has a question for her but is unsure how to ask her. So he collects together what he needs to ask and does so.

"Kate I need to ask you a question."

"Okay go ahead, you know you can ask me anything."

"Right then, do you love me?"

"Rick where is this coming from?"

"The reason I am asking is I am curious as to why you are keeping your lease on the apartment?" "Do you think that we won't make it?" I know that my love for you reaches so many levels." "I mean it's just that we have been through so much together I can't see the reason you have in keeping this place." "Does it have a sentimental value?" "If that's the reason I totally understand."

He waits for all of what he said sink in. She has a look on her face that he can't describe and it worry's him. She looks at him and tears have freshly fallen down her cheeks.

"Kate I did not mean to upset you in any way."

She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing leaves her mouth. Thinking about what she needs to say she collects her thoughts. Rick waits patiently for her to say something. She starts...

"Rick first and forever I will love you until the day I die." Maybe it was foolish to keep this lease but you see I never thought that I would be with a man that would love me the way you do and provide me everything I needed." "This was my first place one that I could call my own, my own fortress of solitude."

Rick lets out a little laugh after she used the fortress comment.

"So while yes it does have sentimental value to me I just thought keeping it would keep me grounded."

"Kate I never knew and I am sorry if I overstepped."

"Rick it's okay, I might have been a little possessive of this place anyway."

"So I am going to ask you if you would terminate the lease here?"

She walks over to him reaches her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a gentle kiss. Feeling the need for oxygen they break apart and she looks up at him with a compassionate look in her eyes and tells him...

"Yes"

He is overjoyed and pulls her in for the tightest hug he can give her. She hugs him right back. She is just as happy as he is. Releasing each other they turn and look around the apartment one last time. Standing there for a minute or two she takes hold of his hand gives him a small tug and they leave her place forever.

He is having another sleepless night. He thinks that maybe the drug could be causing these symptoms. He has not told the trial doctors or even Kate for that matter she has enough to worry about. Looking over at Kate he sees that she is fast asleep. Admiring her form lying next to him he is the luckiest man on the earth. He looks over to the red L.E.D. display on the alarm clock. He can't believe it's only 2:34 in the morning. Gingerly he leaves the bed trying hard not to wake up Kate. He heads to his office and sits down at his laptop. Moving the mouse to wake the machine his screen saver materializes. He smiles at what he sees in front of him. It's a picture of him and Kate trying to ice skate at Rockefeller Center. Well, she was the one actually ice skating he was sitting on his ass on the ice. He is lost in his thoughts and when he finally comes out of his haze four hours have passed. His lower extremities are now numb. Slowly he rises from the leather chair. Carefully walking out of his office he looks in on Kate still in the bed. She is sound asleep.

Heading over to the kitchen, he removes everything to make breakfast. Kate will be up soon and he knows that she would appreciate a good breakfast before she heads into the precinct. He makes bacon and eggs, white and rye toast, coffee and freshly squeezed OJ. Alexis is the first to rise.

"Dad what's this? How long have you been up?"

"Good morning Alexis, I could not sleep very well last night and since I know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day I decided to make it for everyone."

She is happy to see him back to where he was...almost. She thinks that he now has a better outlook about his life because he is in the trial, but there is something missing still. She can't quite put her finger on it but there but there are times when he seems so distant to her. She drifts from her thoughts when she hears Kate talking...

"Good morning everyone."

"Hi Kate," Alexis says.

"Good morning babe."

"Rick whats going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when I woke up earlier to go to the bathroom around 4am I found you in your office just staring at the ceiling. At first I thought you were asleep in the chair, but then as I stood there a little longer you had a little smile on your face and let out a giggle from time to time." "Babe whats wrong?"

"Kate it's nothing really."

"It's not nothing when you have a hot NYPD detective right next to you in your bed and yet you choose to sit in your office and leave me all alone."

"Kate it's not like that, I need to tell you something but I'd like to tell you later in private okay?"

Alexis raises an eyebrow at that last comment. She wonders if she was right about him being distant. Deciding to let it go she asks if he needs any help with breakfast. They sit there all silent eating their breakfast. Alexis is almost finished when she looks over to Kate and sees her playing with her eggs.

"Kate is everything alright?"

Putting his fork down he looks over to Kate as well.

"Kate whats wrong?"

Looking at her eggs and bacon she has a feeling like she has the flu. She feels her stomach doing somersaults. She hopes that she can make it through the rest of the meal, but that seems highly unlikely. Looking at the both of them, she can't stop what is about to happen. She places her hand over her mouth and gets up with such urgency she almost falls over the chair. Racing to the closest bathroom she can find she barely makes it to the toilet. Kneeling if front of it she empties the contents of her stomach. Rick and Alexis are close behind and try to comfort her. Alexis grabs a hand towel and moistens it, then places it on her forehead.

"Thanks, Alexis that feels good."

"Kate are you okay?"

"Rick I am not sure whats going on, I was fine when I woke up this morning but now it hit me all of a sudden, without warning."

"Should we take you to the hospital?"

"Rick really for the flu?"

"Well I just want to make sure that you are OK and if that means taking the woman who I love with all my heart to get her checked out then that's how its going to be."

"Seriously Rick, I am fine. Just help me get to my feet and then I can see how I feel alright?"

"Deal."

Alexis and Rick pick her up off the floor. She wipes her face with the cold compress Alexis had given her. She feels a little better and tells them that she is fine. Walking out of the bathroom she makes her way to their bedroom and starts her process of getting ready for work. Alexis looks to her dad and asks "Dad do you think she is okay?"

"I think that the stress of everything is starting to get to her as well as you too." "You both have done so much for me and I don't think either of you realize how hard you have worked, this takes a toll on your spirit and body. You get run down and skip a meal here and there and it adds up."

"Are you going to bring her to the clinic?"

"For now no. I am not going to push her. I will give her the space she needs and if she comes to me then we will talk about it."

Kate walks out of the bedroom dressed to kill. Her face has color to it again and she looks great. Looking at the both of them looking at her, she says, "What?"

"Oh I don't know I am looking at an angel."

"Come on Rick get serious."

"Kate I am serious, there is a glow about you that I have never noticed before."

"Yeah, Kate are you using a different type of make-up?"

"Alexis you too, whats wrong with the two of you?"

Rick leaves the bathroom and walks up to Kate and takes hold of her arm. Leading her to the full lengthen mirror he stands her right in front of it.

"Look at what you see there."

"Rick I see myself there."

"But Babe, I mean really look at yourself don't you see it?"

"Rick I think those drugs are making you a little nuts, what are you talking about?"

She humors the two of them again and looks hard at the mirror. The only thing that she really notices is that she might have put on a pound or two and that she now has a couple more worry lines on her face, but that's about it.

"Well do you see it?"

"Rick I know that you love me and you think I have a glow about me, but babe I am just not seeing it."

Leaving the bedroom, she goes to the safe and retrieves her gun and shield. Clipping them to her waist, she moves over to the coat rack and grabs her blazer. On the way out to the door, Martha passes her and makes the following comment " Kathryn my dear you look so amazing what have you done?"

"Martha what do you mean...my outfit?"

"No dear I mean the glow about you." "Tell me you have noticed it too?"

Alexis and Rick watched the whole interaction between the two of them and they look at each other.

"Dad what's going on here?"

"Alexis I will talk to Kate later and then I will find out okay?"

"Sure dad but I am running really late for school so I need to double time it."

"Okay Pumpkin."

It was Wednesday and Rick had a standing appointment at the clinic at 10 am. It was a little before eight so he had some time to get ready. Hitting the shower he could not believe that Kate could not see what everyone else did about her appearance. She did think that they were nuts, but how could she not see it.

When he got out of the shower Rick was alone. His mother was at a friends house probably talking about Broadway by now, Alexis had classes all day and Kate was at the 12th. He thought about calling her at work but thought better of it because she had just left an hour ago. So he decided to send her a quick text. Pulling up her contact information, he typed out a quick message:

_Hi Babe, I am already missing you. I am heading over to the clinic for my treatment. Would you want to meet at Remy's for a quick burger?_

He places his phone on the island counter and gets his coat out of the closet. He returns to his phone and sees a new text has arrived from Kate.

_I am missing you too! :) Hope your treatment goes well. As for lunch, that will be hard because I am in the middle of a double murder and it looks like it will be a long day. I will call later to see how your treatment went._

If he knows one thing about her, he knows she will not eat at all today. She simply forgets until she is so rundown that she gets some non-nutritional junk from the vending machines. Slipping his phone into his pocket, he puts on his coat and heads out to the clinic. It is a calm day outside so he decides to walk the 12 blocks to the clinic. Arriving there he checks in with the coordinator and she hands him his survey. Sitting down with the survey and a pen he contemplates whether or not he should tell them about his lack of sleep. Remembering what Dr. Cho told him before he entered the trial he starts to write.

Handing his survey to the coordinator she tells him to go to treatment room 2. He walks over to the room sits and waits. About 5 minutes later Dr. Cho walks into the treatment room. He is a little surprised to see her in front of him, he has only dealt with her two other times during the trial. Rick looks at the survey in her hand and his shoulders drop, not wanting to talk about his lack of sleep. She takes a seat opposite him and starts telling him about his progress.

"Hello Rick, how are you feeling after six weeks on the trial?"

"I am doing well, I feel stronger everyday."

He is happy that she uses his first name. She goes on to tell him that he will need to have a blood test by week 8 to find out the progress of the drugs effectiveness. He nods in understanding. While she is almost finished he thinks that she is not going to talk to him about his sleep habits.

"So Rick I understand that you are having trouble sleeping?"

_Damn I thought I was home free. _

"Well, Dr. Cho, there are nights when I go to bed and then I fall asleep lightly and the slightest movement or noise wakes me. Then there are nights when I get into bed and just lie there staring at the ceiling not sleeping at all."

"I need to ask you what you meant by the slightest movement?"

Not sure he should tell her that Kate now shares his bed with him he decides to tell her that his relationship status has changed.

"Dr. Cho, do you remember the detective who was with me the last time we were here?

"Yes why?"

"Well, there have been recent changes in our relationship. Right before I started the trial I asked her to move in with me, and sometimes when she moves closer to me for comfort during the night she startles me awake." "She does doesn't know that she's doing it and I have never told her that it's happening."

"Well, Rick the only person it seems to be affecting is you, I mean are you able to make it through the day without any sleep?"

"Believe it or not I can, but there times during the day that I need to take a power nap to recharge and then I am fine."

"Okay, keep trying to get some sound sleep, and if you are not able to I can prescribe a mild sedative for you so you can sleep." "I'd like to see you when you return on Friday for your next dose so we can continue this conversation.

Pleased with the way today's visit went he thinks now that it was foolish for him to hide the fact that he was not sleeping well. Getting up to leave he now needs to tell Kate...


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Her day was long and she knew that she would catch Castle's wrath when she walked through the door. She had skipped lunch again. Even after, he offered to get her Remy's. She still had let her hunger get away from her. Getting off the elevator, she made her way to the front door of the loft. She listens for anyone on the inside. Hearing nothing she thought she would get away scot free.

However, that was not the case. Before she could even put her key into the door lock, the door swung open. Standing there looking at her was Rick. She sheepishly looked at her feet.

"It looks to me like someone is starving." He says as he stood in the doorway.

_"How does he do that? He knows me better than I know myself." Kate thinks._

"Hi Rick, I am not that hungry. Though, I could eat, why did you make something?" She asks in anticipation.

"Maybe, you will need to wait and see." He says with a small smile as he retreated back into the room which allowed her to enter.

He knew that she was not telling him that she was starving though she obviously was. She entered and the smell hit her and her stomach gave an immediate response. As she turns back to look at him all she sees is a grin on his face from ear to ear.

"Babe, come on and sit down and let's eat. It is only us tonight so let's get to it." Rick suggests.

She couldn't quite place what he made. It definitely smelled delicious. Quickly changing out of her pants and blouse she decides to go the casual route. Eying a pair his boxers and finding a tank top she changes into them. He is smiling when she steps in front of him.

"Winding down…are we?" He coyly asks.

"Yes I had a very tough day, nothing panned out the way I had hoped it would." She says as she seats herself.

He moves past her heading back into the kitchen and pulls out a basic garden salad from the fridge. Tossing it, he places it in two salad bowls and takes a variety of salad dressings from the fridge. Sitting right next to her they start to eat. She is famished and devours the salad in no time flat. He can only wonder why she forgets to eat.

"So Kate, are you ready for the next course?" Rick asks rising to remove the salad bowls.

Kate nodded her head and Rick returned with a sumptuous plate of homemade Lasagna. He drops it in front of her with a flourish then returns to carry his own. She looks at what he made and is amazed.

"Rick Thank You, you take such good care of me. I really do not think I would eat without your prompting." Kate confesses.

Rick did not say a word but beamed from ear to ear. They eat in silence, but it was that comfortable silence which only they could know. Once done Rick collects the plates then stops.

"So are you ready for the last course?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye.

She looks over wondering what he has up his sleeve

"Rick, what did you make now?" Kate asks.

"Well, Kate I actually did not make this, I had this delivered to the loft." Rick states "So are you interested?"

Kate enthusiastically nods then Rick blindfolded her.

"Rick what is going on?" Kate giggles.

"Just wait and see Kate." He intones in that deep voice that sends sensations all through her body.

Rick disappears and brings out a NY style cheese cake, direct from the Arthur Ave bake shop on 209th street. He brings along a pan of heated strawberry sauce still simmering. He coats his slice at the table.

Kate waiting impatiently is tempted to pull off the blindfold but decides to play along. He places the pan under her nose.

"Kate, just use your senses and tell me if you can guess what this is." He asks as he waved it under her nose again.

She is a little displeased with this game. Though, she plays along.

"Well, it smells like some type of berry." She guesses.

"Go on." Rick coaxes.

"Heated Strawberries…?" She guesses.

"Ok, what else do you detect my Detective?" Rick asks as he playfully places the heated pan on a placemat then waves the naked cheese cake under her nose.

"Rick, I am at a loss, come on let me open my eyes." She complains.

"Fine spoilsport, go ahead and open them." Rick says pouting.

She does and then her eyes go wide.

"I can't believe it you had a cheese cake delivered for me?" Kate says in a big surprise.

"Kate for you I would get anything you like delivered." Rick solemnly promises.

"How did you know this was my favorite dessert?" she asks being bewildered.

"It is a Trade Secret and you should know a Magician never explains his tricks!" Rick says picking up the hot pan and ladle.

Kate looks at him with anticipation and a big smile.

"Would you like yours coated too?" Rick asked holding the saucepan out.

Kate continues to smile then nods.

"Say When," Rick says as he places on dollop of sauce over it.

Rick looked as he continued with a second one and on the third one he heard.

"When…!" Kate says.

Rick smiled and returned the saucepan to the sink since it was empty. He returned and found that during his time away she had inhaled the whole thing and was looking mighty content. He sat down then leisurely ate at his slice. He could not do it in peace since Kate was hungrily looking at it, more than him.

Rick decided he could share so instead of placing the morsel in his mouth he turned the fork in her direction which she gladly scooped off the fork with her tongue. Rick could not imagine a more erotic event than feeding Kate Beckett with his fork. Kate rewards him with a low throaty

"Hmmmm…That is so good." She purrs.

Rick smiled as he shares the last bits. When they consume the last bite he gets up to clear the dishes. He cleans up the mess from all his preparations for dinner.

"Kate, why don't you stretch out on the couch? I will soon be finished here." He points out.

Kate agrees then walks over to the loveseat. She sits down loving the comfort of the cushions. She rests her head against the back then closes her eyes. Before long she is sound asleep. Rick returns to find her fast asleep. He looks at her lovingly and thanks the heavens that she is his.

Kate never wakes up when Rick lifts her off the love seat. He carries her bridal style back to their bedroom and gently places her under the comforter. He notices that she forgot to secure her shield and weapon in the safe. He does it for her. Washing up before he gets ready to go to sleep, he thinks back to this morning. He noticed a glow about her and the feeling like she had the flu. Making a mental note to ask her about it in the morning, he slips into bed along side of her and falls asleep.

\

It's 6:30 the next morning and Kate lies in bed after turning off the alarm. She reaches over to his side of the bed. That's when she notices that his side is cold and he has long gone. Wondering where he had gone she gets her things ready for her shower. As it was just like yesterday she starts to get that queasy feeling in her stomach. Holding her midsection with one hand she covers her mouth with the other. She does not think she can make it to the bathroom in time.

Rick is in his office because he was hit with an inspirational moment. He has been writing for about 3 hours straight. He hears a noise and stops typing so he can hear it better. What he hears scares him a little bit. Jumping from his chair he races to the bathroom where he finds Kate hovering over the toilet bowl again. He slowly rubs her back trying to get her to calm down a little bit and while she is not quite finished he decides to get another cold compress.

"Here Kate use this it will make you feel a little better." He says offering the relief.

"Rick what's wrong with me? I have never had this type of flu? Well, I have had the flu, but not one that gets me sick everyday." Kate says clueless what her body is telling them both.

Kate is just about finished expelling last night meal when Rick helps her up. He tries to think back to where she might have picked up this bug she has. The only thing he can come up is about a week ago Ryan was coughing and at the same time sneezes directly into Kate's coffee. She finishes it with no concern.

/

Kate was sitting at her desk and could not for the life of her figure out where she had contracted this flu bug. Thinking back to about 7 weeks ago she came up with nothing. Just as she was thinking she was waiting on a witness she had for a murder case she was working.

"Hey Det. Beckett you have a visitor!" LT yells out in the Bull Pen.

"Thanks, LT take them to the conference room." Kate yells back.

Kate watched as LT escorted the visitor who happened to be pushing a stroller. It struck her all of a sudden when the baby let out a cry. Kate stood still next to her desk as she went into a trance like state. Coming out of it she walks over to Javi.

"Espo, I need you to do me a favor and interview this witness." She asks.

"Sure Boss, What's up?" Javi asks looking up from his paperwork.

"I need to leave for about an hour." Kate said gathering her things.

"Ok Boss." Javi said as he motioned Ryan to accompany him to the conference room.

Kate walks over to the detective assignment board and moves her status to unavailable. Walking out of the precinct, she heads to the corner CVS. Walking down the Planned Parenthood aisle, she sees what she needs and reads the back of the EPT pregnancy test. She's happy that it contains 2 tests and it is a digital type test. Walking up to the register, she pays for the test and walks back to the station.

Dreading what she needs to do next she enters the ladies room on the second floor so nobody will see her. There was no way in hell she would go up to her floor. Entering the stall she gets the test ready and pees on the stick. Now comes the hard part...the waiting. She sits on the toilet.

"_When could this have happened?"_ She thinks then it hit her.

"_One time when she wanted him so badly and they were in a rush. He was driving her wild and she could not wait to have him inside of her. She remembers how good it felt when they were together and this is..."_ She remembers.

Her alarm on her watch is beeping. It draws her out of her thoughts and now that the five minutes are up she can't bear to look at the results. Her hand is shaking so much she can't even read the words on the test. She grabs her right hand that's shaking so badly with her left, so her hands are steady. She looks down at the result and her eyes widen like saucers.

"_This can't be right…What am I going to do? Rick will be so upset with me!" she thinks._

Thinking quickly, she removes the second test from the box. Repeating the procedure she waits….again. Then the time was up and she comes to the same conclusion as before.

"_We are going to have a baby."_ She concludes.

Leaving the bathroom, she heads back up to the 4th floor. She is like a zombie. People are talking all around her and yet she hears nothing. Ryan asks her about information on a cold case. She never hears him ask the question.

"Beckett, are you OK?" Javi asks seeing her ignoring Ryan and almost everything else.

She looks at him blankly.

"_Did something happen to Castle is that what is going on?"_ He thinks.

"Kate, are you okay?" Javi asks again this time with much concern in his voice.

Kate looks up at him.

"Javi, I am going to need some time off. Can you clear it with Gates?" She asks.

He looks at her with a puzzling expression.

"Sure Beckett I will do that for you…You sick or something you sure do not look to good. You should get your Writer to comfort you. Hot chicken soup is one of my Mother's favorite remedy. I can get her to make it for you?" Javi suggested.

"Thanks Javi but I don't think I will need that." Kate cryptically says as she gathered her things and left.

\

Deciding to get some exercise she walks back to the loft. This way she will have time to figure how to tell Rick that she is going to have his baby. Walking past a baby clothing store she stops and looks through the window. She imagines how their baby will look dressed in some of the outfits displayed. She lingers there for about two minutes before she hears her name being called from behind. Turning she sees Alexis looking at her surprised.

"Kate what's wrong?" Alexis exclaims.

"What do you mean Alexis?" Kate asks.

"Well for one thing it's just before 1:30. You are not at your work. You are standing on the sidewalk in front of a baby store with tears rolling down your face too." Alexis rattles off the evidence of her conclusion.

Kate instinctively reaches for her cheek and finds that Alexis was right. Now she was in a bind. She would have to reveal this secret.

_"Should I tell her before I tell Rick, or should I wait and tell them both?" She wonders._

Deciding that she should share her news with Alexis because she is so much more mature for her age makes her decision that much easier.

"Alexis there is something I need to tell you and your father." Kate says.

"Kate, if it is something really important, why don't we have lunch then talk? It is better than standing on the sidewalk with people pushing you." Alexis suggests.

"Right Ok do where do you want to go?" Kate asks..

"There is corner Bistro a few blocks from here it is quiet. Dad and I come here often. They know me we will get right in." Alexis spritely said.

Kate followed Alexis and soon they were seated. Kate looks apprehensive but orders a BLT as Alexis orders a coke. The waiter goes away and Alexis looks expectantly at Kate. Kate took a deep breath. Alexis opened up first.

"Kate you know that you and I have been through so much in the last 2 months. There is nothing you could tell me that would upset me." Alexis said holding the older woman's hand.

Kate looks at the young woman earnest face then at her hand. She is still very hesitant but continues on anyway.

"Alexis you are going to be a big sister." Kate quietly says looking at the young woman.

Alexis looks at Kate with a combination of surprise and shock.

_"Did I just hear her correctly? Maybe she meant that...nah, she couldn't mean what I think she meant." Alexis thinks for a moment she misheard. Her volume was so low._

_Kate was frightened by the pause while Alexis' expression says volumes._

"Alexis say something...please!" Kate implores this time with a bit more volume to her voice.

"Kate, are you saying what I think you are saying?" The young woman said recovering from her momentary surprise. "Does Dad know?"

"No, you are the first I'm telling that I am going to have a baby. I just found out about an hour ago, Lex, This petrifies me and I am not too sure how to tell your Dad, or even if I should." Kate said with much remorse.

"Kate, Tell Dad… he will love hearing about that…." She said excitedly.

Kate's expression changed. Alexis grew concerned.

Kate, what are you thinking, are you not too sure you want this baby?" Alexis asks.

"Alexis I am unwed. I am not really the mothering type as you should have guessed by what I do for a living." Kate explains.

"Kate, I know that you have the right to choose life or not. I need to tell you something. You have to tell Dad. He has a right to know!" Alexis says seriously.

"It is not that easy…" Kate tries to cop out.

"Of course it is not. There is a growing human being in there. I do think you are wrong in your assumption. I think that you are way over thinking this. I think that you would make a great mother and with dads involvement he will never doubt your decision about having this baby. Kate he loves you why do you think telling him would be a bad thing?" Alexis asks.

Kate looks at Alexis again and shows a slight smile. Deciding that what she said makes sense.

"Lex, do you know if your father is home?" Kate asks.

"He must be because it's Tuesday. His next visit to the clinic is tomorrow." Alexis replies a bit happier.

Alexis pays the check and with a burden off her the two ladies return to the loft.

\

Arriving at the loft Alexis squeezes Kate's hand in a show of support. Kate returns the gesture. They both walk into the loft. They look around and see that the loft is empty. Walking over to the kitchen, they find a note clipped to the fridge.

**Kate,**

**I went to the market to pick up something for dinner.**

**It's a surprise so no trying to get it out of me.**

**Love, Rick.**

Kate shows Alexis the note.

"_Boy is he in for an even bigger surprise!"_ She thinks.

A/N Thanks go out to a great Beta...Phnxgrl. Without her help none of what I write would be possible!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

After reading his note, they had nothing but time on their hands. Looking at each other, they dreaded the time they were going need to wait before they could let Rick in on their news. Kate still had her reservations though.

"Alexis are you sure about this?" Kate asks anxiously.

"Kate believe me when I tell you, you have nothing to worry about. My dad's heart is big enough to love you, me Grams and the baby." Alexis reassures.

"Alexis I am still not married to him do you think this is the right way to go about this?" Kate inquires.

"Kate look at me, I am serious when I tell you that this will change your relationship for the better." Alexis confirms.

Realizing that she is probably right she gets up from the couch.

"Alexis I am going to make a cup of tea would you want to join me?" Kate asks.

"Yes, that is a great idea Kate!" she replies.

They are talking at the kitchen island and their conversation moves to colleges. Kate knows that Alexis has been looking into colleges on both the East and West coasts.

"Alexis have you given any thought to any of the colleges you have received brochures?" Kate asks.

Alexis looks to Kate with a surprised look on her face.

"Kate, how did you know? I thought I did a good job at hiding all the brochures I got in the mail." Alexis confesses.

"Seriously Alexis, I am an NYPD detective. Nothing gets by me." Kate states.

"Are you going to tell my dad?" Alexis asks with trepidation.

Kate thinks for a second.

"This will be our secret for now. When the time comes you will have the talk with your father...right?" Kate slyly confirms.

She nods to the affirmative. They both become very quiet when the door swings open revealing an overloaded Rick Castle.

"A little help is needed here!" He exclaims juggling the overfull bags in his arms.

They both look over to see that he has about 6 large paper bags flowing from his arms, and plastic red ones hanging from his wrists. There is food in everyone. Walking over to him they take some of the bags from his arms. It is Kate who speaks first.

"Rick who exactly were you planning on feeding?" Kate inquires with her eyebrow raised.

"Uhhh, I might have gone a little overboard." He confesses.

"I'll say" Alexis comments.

Gathering all the fresh produce and packaged items they start the task of putting everything away. Alexis looks at Kate. It was one of urging Kate to tell him now. Kate looks back at her then confronts Rick.

"Babe, we need to talk" Kate sweetly says.

"Sure… Babe…?" Rick replies a bit confused on why now did Kate have to talk to him? He hadn't done anything wrong or he hoped he had not anyway.

Rick was unsettled hearing those words 'we need to talk." It has always given him disappointing results when a woman starts off with a sentence like that. It was never good news. He slowly then cautiously walks over to the couch where she has now taken up residence. Kate looks at Alexis and sees that she is waving her hands furiously to move on with the news. Hesitantly, she presses forward.

"Rick, do you love children?" Kate asks out of the blue catching poor Rick off guard.

Rick was totally unprepared on that question. Usually, the talk starts off listing his numerous faults. This was a new tactic.

"Of course I do, I have Alexis why do you ask?" He asks then looks at her in an out of sort way. "Kate what's wrong? Where is this coming from?"

Kate is frustrated this was coming out all wrong. Alexis was rooting from the sidelines in the kitchen. Kate glances at her. Just as she thinks of forgetting this whole idea. She hears Alexis is humming quite loudly. The tune was for hush little baby. She gives her the look of death then she composes herself and tries again.

"Rick, what I mean is would you love someone who you don't know unconditionally?" Kate asks but fails once again to make her point.

Rick thoroughly confused answers.

"Why wouldn't I? Kate you are beginning to scare me. Tell me truthfully what's going on?" Rick asks compassionately.

"Well, I think that you are going need to show that love in about 7 months." Kate mutters to herself.

Rick listens hard to catch the meaning. Kate was being very obtuse right now.

"Kate, what's going to happen in 7 months? Are you going to propose to me...I really would have like…" Rick rambles.

"Rick, it is not that… I am pregnant I am going to have our son or daughter in about 7 months." Kate blurts out then trembles awaiting Rick's response.

Alexis is smiling so brightly, but she sees her dad has not quite processed what Kate just said.

"Rick?" Kate asks in that little girl lost voice.

"Dad" Alexis commands.

Rick looks at Alexis then back at Kate. Alexis is smiling. Kate is fearful. Finally, he makes the connection.

"We're going to have a baby!" Rick blurts out after finally processing all the miscues.

Kate releases the breath she has been holding in since all this had started. Kate is relieved that he now understands. Alexis walks over then sit next to them. She takes his hand and Kate takes the other.

"Dad, are you OK?" she asks.

"Alexis, pumpkin, I could not be better. Kate, when did you find out?" Rick asks brimming with excitement.

"Well, it hit me when I noticed a witness walking through the 12th the other day pushing a baby carriage. I finally put two plus two together. With all, that's going on with you and us. So I went out and picked up a pregnancy test. I was so nervous that I took it twice. It read the same result." Kate explains.

"This is great news!" Rick says elated that it was not the other kind of let's talk discussion.

"Rick, you're not upset?" Kate asks not believing her eyes or her good fortune.

"Upset...Why would I be Kate? This is fantastic news! I can't wait until he or she is here. I am floored. Have you made an appointment to find out how far along you are?" Rick yammers.

"No Rick I've haven't. Maybe we can do that together?" She shyly asks.

"Kate, I'd love to go with you to your first appointment." Rick says still elated about the news.

"Dad now that you are going to have another mouth to feed. How about feeding your two best girls right now?" Alexis asks with a grin.

"Oh, my Alexis, Kate…I am so sorry. I will get it started right now." Rick says getting up to rush to the kitchen still smiling.

As he runs away he is whispering under his breath

"___I'm going to be a daddy again.__"_

Kate and Alexis both look at each other then smile.

\\\\\

Working feverishly around the kitchen, he is almost finished with dinner. He sets the table and serves the two women he cares most about in the world. They eat in silence each having their own thoughts. Alexis loves the fact that she will now finally have a little brother or sister. Kate, although she had expected the worst now looks at Rick in a new light. This man who would make the best of any situation has now shown her that anything is possible. She now has no fears about their future.

With the dinner done Alexis rises and clears the table of the dirty dishes.

"I'm finished with the dishes. I'm going upstairs to study." Alexis announces.

"Ok Pumpkin, study hard." Rick yells after her retreating form.

Kate and Rick are now by themselves. Rick has a burning question.

"Kate, were you a bit reserved with your news about the baby right?" Rick solemnly asks.

Kate knows that he can read her like a book and gets very quiet. Thinking about her response she starts.

"Rick, I have seen you with Alexis and I know that you are a loving caring father. You would do anything to protect her. The reason I really did not want to tell you that I was pregnant was how you would take the news." She confesses.

"Kate, I would always listen to anything you want to tell me. Communication is the solution here not the problem. Without it, we wither up and fail." Rick says being very understanding of the situation.

Kate looks at him. She needs to admit her earlier thoughts when she found out the news.

"Listen Rick, what I am about to tell you now is what my thoughts were when I took the tests. I was on another level at this time. I had told Javi I needed to leave for the rest of the day. I just walked and walked. I notice all the babies being pushed down the sidewalk in their strollers. Then I saw toddlers walking hand in hand with their mothers and fathers. I found myself staring into the window of baby store. I was seriously thinking about terminating this baby. It was then Alexis found me crying like a baby looking at all the clothes. I could visualize our baby wearing." Kate expunges those thoughts.

"I know that this is a lot to take Kate. You were probably in shock. Kate why would you ever think about this especially when you know what I am going through? I would never think about terminating any baby. Every life is a gift. That gift should never be wasted. It is a gift for the whole world to see." Rick says.

Kate looks up to his face and notices that there are now tears streaming down his face. She gently reaches the palm of her hand to the side of his cheek and wipes away the tears he is now shedding.

"Rick I am sorry, so very sorry but the truth be told. It was Alexis who set me straight. She was the one that kept me grounded then made me see that telling you that it was the right thing to do." Kate accredited Alexis in turning around her thoughts.

"She is pretty amazing isn't she?" Rick says as a proud papa.

"Yes Rick, she is…You both are" Kate replies.

Little did the both of them know but Alexis was listening in on their whole conversation from her room. She was also weeping with tears of joy. She was glad that she had told Kate first. A chill ran up her spine because if they never met on the street who knows what would have happened.

Rick and Kate decided that it was a very long taxing day good news aside. Sleep was what they both craved and with that they both retired to the bedroom. The second Kate laid down she was fast asleep. Rick, on the other hand, let his thoughts take over his mind. He was staring blankly at the ceiling fan as it rotated.

\\\\\

"___Why would she think that I would not accept her news in a good way?__"_

That thought ran in his head over and over again. It was almost dawn and he had been thinking about this all night. Maybe Dr. Cho was right. His inability to sleep soundly could be a side effect of the trial drug he was taking. He would tell her about his problem when he went into the clinic for his next treatment.

Seeing that the sun was just about to crest the horizon, he got up and started his day. He would make breakfast and get his girls ready to face their day. He trudged down to the kitchen and started the prep for a healthy breakfast. Alexis was the first to get up.

"Good morning Dad." Alexis says with a smile.

"Hey pumpkin, how did you sleep?" He inquires.

Alexis could not resist the rib. How could she not, with him leaving the way open and all.

"Dad, I slept like a baby!" She says then gave him a wink.

"Ha ha…Pumpkin, that's very funny, honey." Rick replies.

"Yeah, I thought so, Dad" She slyly replies.

\\\\\

Kate reached her arm over to Rick's side but woke to an empty bed. She got up and showered and dressed. She had to decide if telling the NYPD was a good thing to do. She knew that by her 5th or 6th month of her being pregnant she would be chained to a desk. Her doing field work would be out of the question. She was the best at her job, but the department would never take the liability of sending a mother to be up against the seedy criminals of the city.

Finished getting ready she made her way down to the kitchen where she found Rick and Alexis talking about the baby that was on its way.

"Good Morning you two" She greets them both.

"Hey Babe" Rick responds with a kiss.

"Hi Kate," Alexis says covering her eyes for effect.

Kate recovers from the kiss then heads to retrieve the coffee. As she was pouring the mug full she speaks.

"Rick, remember when we needed to communicate more?" She asks.

"Yes Kate…why…?" Rick asks wondering what new thing she was going to unleash on him now.

"Well, I am thinking that we should not tell the department of our pending bundle of joy." Kate states.

"Why Kate…Do you think that's the way to go?" He asks a bit confused.

"Well, I am sure that I will have no problem in doing my job until I start to show. After that, I am not sure that they will let me stay in a field position. They will keep me at a desk from that point forward in my pregnancy." Kate points out.

"Kate do you think that this is such a good idea?" Alexis adds being very alarmed that Kate has not thought this through.

"Alexis, this job is my life. I am going to be lost after they pull me from investigating aspect. I need this to take away the stress of being in my condition. I see your concern. I will be the first to back away from any dangerous situation." Kate says.

Rick knows that this is true. She would never put anyone at risk, even their unborn baby.

"Kate I am happy that we are talking about this. I trust you and I are comfortable with any decision you reach." Rick caves to her demands.

"Well guys I'd love to stay and talk. I have a class in 40 minutes." Alexis notices the time.

"Bye pumpkin" Rick responds with a kiss upon her head.

"Bye Alexis." Kate adds a hug. "Thank you for everything"

Alexis smiles then departs. Kate notices the time too.

\\\\\

"I've got to get out of here to Babe…Wish me luck." Kate says as she leaves him with a kiss.

She gets in her cruiser and during the drive her thoughts move now to the fact that she needs to inform her Captain that she will be having a baby. She arrives at the 12th then gets on the elevator for the short ride to the 4th floor. She deposits her coat and bag onto the back of her chair. Receiving looks from both Espo and Ryan she walks slowly over to Captain Montgomery's office door.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Castle watched each of his girls leave the loft. After they left he had a very full day ahead of him. Cleaning up the remnants from breakfast, he thought again if he should tell Dr. Cho about his sleepless nights. He pushed this thought aside because if he was ever going to make his standing appointment he had to get everything cleaned up here first. He shaves away his early morning shadow as he showers. Getting back to his closet, he selects a baby blue button down shirt along with a pair of gray dress pants. Finally dressed he departs the loft.

He arrived at the clinic fifteen minutes before his appointment. He checked in then filled out the mandatory questionnaire. Handing it back to the clerk, he turned back to enter the waiting room. Sitting down his thoughts drifted to Kate's news last night.

_"____I can't believe that Alexis was the one person who made her believe that it was the right decision to tell me we were going to have a baby. She must have been so torn with her decision. We need to have a heart to..._

"Mr. Castle." A voice calls out into the room.

Rick is in such a heavy thought that he never hears his name being called.

"Mr. Richard Castle…?" The voice repeats.

He is startled out of his thoughts when he hears his name being called again.

"I'm here." He responds by standing up to follow.

"Good I thought you might have changed your mind." The nurse says.

"Not on your life." he replies.

They walk back to the treatment room and the nurse asks him to sit so they can get him started on his treatment. As he reclines in the leather chair he uncovers his injection port for the IV to be placed there. The treatment usually takes about an hour, but today he is finished quicker. Since he has some free time on his hands he was just about to leave when Dr. Cho walks up alongside him.

"Hi Rick. I just finished going over your chart and your questionnaire I am a little concerned about your sleep patterns." She states.

He doesn't know why but he hates talking about this subject. It shouldn't bother him but in ways it does.

"Dr. Cho, there have been recent developments in my life recently. I'm afraid I haven't gotten much sleep over them." Rick states.

"Oh really, Please tell me of these developments?" he asks.

"Yes of course, first, I'd like to tell you that last night was another sleepless night." Rick reports.

"Okay, was there anything that could have caused it? Perhaps it was caused by this new development you alluded?"

Rick is very hesitant to answer the good doctor. If this will be able to get him at least 4 hours of peaceful sleep he will tell her.

"Dr. Cho, do you remember the woman I was with when we started the trial?" Rick asks.

"Yes I do. If memory serves me correctly she is a police detective, right?" the doctor responds.

"Yes you're right. Since then we have become a couple. Now last night she told me that we are going to have a baby in seven months." Rick says watching for his doctor's reaction.

"Rick this is great news, congratulations." She says with a smile which he returns.

"Ok doc…That's the good news. Now for the bad news…After she told me we were going to have a baby. We went to bed and for the life of me I could not get to sleep." Rick explains.

"Okay, well maybe we should run a couple of tests to see what's happening. I'm sure it's nothing, but it's better to be safe." She says.

Rick agrees.

Later while Rick is lying on the table as he hears the MRI machine to go through it's warm up cycle. He hopes that she is right. There is nothing to worry about. He now has much to live for.

"Rick, the table will move forward on its own. Please do not be alarmed. Please remember to stay as still as possible while in the machine." The tech says as Rick readjusts the foam support upon his head is resting.

The scan only takes about 20 minutes.

"Ok, Rick the scan is done. You did great being still." The tech says.

The table now has slid back to it's starting position. He is slow to get up.

___"I'm getting old." __Rick thinks._

"Rick, the results will be completed in about an hour. Do you have time for the doctor to consult with you over these scans now? Or should I schedule you an appt for later date?" The tech asks.

Glancing at his watch, he notices that it's almost noon and he really wanted to meet Kate for lunch and find out what happened with her news.

"I guess I could wait." he says with a twang of dismay.

"That would be great. Can you go back up to the clinic's waiting area? Dr. Cho will call you when she has the test results." The tech directs.

What he thought was having a little extra time, this has now turned into a drain of his time. So he waits, and waits a little more. After an hour and a half Dr. Cho calls his name. He exits the waiting area.

\\\\\

Kate, on the other hand, has been on pins and needles the entire morning. While she had every intention of telling her Captain her news she chickened out at the last minute. Maybe it was the fact that Ryan and Espo were giving her the concerned look on their faces. So instead of knocking on the captain's door jamb she walked to the ladies room and rethought her options.

_"____I could wait until I had a more convenient opportunity."_She thinks as she looks into the restroom mirror.

Collecting herself she has a plan. Now it's just a matter of time. Just as she gets back to her desk her phone is ringing.

"Beckett." She answers.

She listens then speaks.

"Just text me the details," she tells the voice.

All thoughts she had of telling her news to her Captain are now gone as she hangs up and picks up her coat from the back of her chair.

"Espo, Ryan let's go we have a body." She says.

They both turn and look at her and see that she is all business. Whatever was on her mind before is now gone. They get ready to leave.

They arrive at the address then survey the crime scene. The boys notice that Beckett is not on her "A" game. Ryan looks at Espo and just as Kate and Castle have their nonverbal communication skills to convey what they want with each other without actually speaking, so do they.

Ryan notices the change in her mood when they first arrive and it gets worse the longer they are there. The victim is a very young female mid 20's at most. As Kate heads into the bathroom she hurries out and focuses more of her time in the living area. The investigation proceeds forward and the boys make their way into the bathroom and see a home pregnancy test with the results in the bathroom on the sink counter.

Kate thinks that her prime suspect is the boyfriend because the manner of the murder carried out is one of passion. Ryan moves over to Javi and whispers to him

"Javi what's going on? Something's up with her. She seems withdrawn from her usual routine." Ryan asks.

"Kev I have an idea about what it is. We should let this play through and see where she goes with it." Espo responds.

"Well, if you think that's the way to go..." Ryan whispers back.

"I do." Espo says cutting him off.

Finishing up at the scene, they all head back to the precinct. Kate is lost in her thoughts about the case. She has an idea about what happened at the crime scene. She thinks that the murder victim had told her boyfriend that they were going to have a baby. He went off the deep end. They probably had a knock down drag out fight. Things went from a basic fight to something more serious. She was stabbed in the chest and the abdomen. After finding out who the boyfriend was they put out an APB for his arrest.

They had run his financial history and as Kate was looking it over she noticed that there was no way he could support an additional burden. He was barely making ends meet with the income he had. Her hand protectively came to rest on her own abdomen as she wondered. How could a person just end two lives with such disregard for life? This was the part of the job she really hated. It was almost 2:30 in the afternoon and she had not heard from Rick yet.

Picking up her phone, she dialed his number from the speed dial list. On the third ring, it went to voice mail. He was most likely still at the clinic. Deciding not to leave a message she hung up then set it back down on the desk before turning it off. She was too involved in her thoughts to wonder why he did not answer. She was an emotional wreck and although she tried not to show on the outside. She was dying on the inside. Pushing her chair away from her desk she stands and thinks for a second.

Taking her coat and bag she heads to Roy's office. Knocking on his door, he looks up at her.

"Sir I need some down time." She requests.

"Beckett what's wrong? You never take time off during an investigation." Roy responds.

"Sir, there are things that I need to sort out. After I do, I will explain everything to you." Kate answers.

"Well, in that case time off granted." He says.

She leaves his office and starts for the elevator. Walking by the boys, she says nothing and waits for the elevator to arrive.

"Yo Beckett, what's up?" Espo asks.

"Guys, I need some time off. When I get things sorted out I will be back." Kate says.

She really did not want to go into a long and drawn out reason as to why she was leaving so she just left it at that. Reaching the lobby she threw a wave to the desk Sergeant and left the building. The crisp autumn air chilled her face. With no specific destination in mind, she just started to walk...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The brisk air had her thinking of all that she had faced recently. There was Rick's fight with his leukemia, her pregnancy and Alexis' decisions for college. She felt emptiness inside her as she walked down the sidewalk. She needed her mother here to tell her everything would be fine. She knew that was never going to happen. She had hoped that from somewhere Johanna was looking down on her and smiling. She hopes that her mother was proud of the fact that she had finally seen through the haze. Then had finally put this case aside and was getting on with her life.

She had a man that loved her deeply. He would do anything to make her happy. His love was unwavering. She was so foolish for waiting for so long to realize it. She knew that he was overjoyed with the fact that they were starting a family together. There was still some doubt in her mind. Now was not the time to dwell on the past. She needed to give herself freely to him. She hopes that he would understand. With this thought still fresh in her mind she found herself passing near their park. It was where so many of their major decision were made.

She looks through the chain link fence and notices a figure was sitting on their swing. Stopping she can't really make out who it exactly is? Curiosity gets the better of her and she enters the park. She heads over to the playground. Getting closer, she sees now realizes who it is. It's Rick. Walking closer still, she can now make out his face. She is suddenly saddened at what she sees in his eyes. He has been crying. He stares far past her but looking directly at her in the same moment.

"Rick …"She calls his name softly.

He does not respond. He is in another world. She sits in the swing next to him and waits for him to come back to earth. Ten minutes pass as Kate was just about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke suddenly.

"The world sucks and it's against me." He says vehemently.

Kate looks at him waiting for more to come. She is very troubled with his comment.

"Kate, I need to tell you something. Do you remember the night you told me that you were pregnant?" Rick asks.

"Yes, why Rick?" Kate answers then grasp his hand.

"Well, I have not been totally up front with you about the effects on my body and mind since I started the taking the trial drugs. I thought it would pass with time, but it has not and only seems to have progressed for the worse." He responds.

Kate is speechless and wonders what else he is keeping from her. She really should not judge him she has her issues of her own. She needs to talk to him.

"Is there anything else wrong?" Kate asks with trepidation.

"No, the night you told me that we were going to be parents. I lie in our bed all night not sleeping. I just stared at the ceiling fan going in circles until dawn. Many of my nights have been this way since I started this trial." He says.

"Rick you know that you can tell me anything...right?" Kate states.

"Kate with all that you've done for me I really did not want to burden you all over again." Rick reluctantly says.

She loves this man with all her heart. He was hiding his pain just to comfort her. She doesn't deserve him.

"Rick I'm going to let you in on a little secret. "We, me and you" as she points back and forth between them "are in this together just look at my stomach."

Rick chuckles for the first time today. He knows he should have told her long before today. He knows that there is so much she worries about already.

"Rick there is something I need to talk to you about." She said thinking he was done.

"Kate listen I need to tell you more, but it does not have to do with me not sleeping at night. When I told the doctor that I was not sleeping right she sent me in for an MRI. I waited for the results." Rick says.

Kate is getting worried now and is imagining all sorts of scenarios. Not getting too worried yet she listens to him.

"The MRI showed a blood mass in my brain. They said it traveled from my carotid artery, broke off in little pieces and moved to the right side of my brain." Rick continues.

She is at a loss for words. They have come so far in making sure he was beating the leukemia and now this!

"Rick is there anything we can do to fix this?" Kate asks.

"I was on my way back to the loft. I thought I'd have more time to get my thoughts together. That's why I came here. We have faced a lot of problems here. We always figured them out together." Rick states.

"What did Dr. Cho say?" Kate worriedly asks.

"I am placed on a type of blood thinner. This might take care of the clot. I have to wait until the next scan to determine the effectiveness of this treatment. If the next scan reveals it's still there then I will need to be seen by neurosurgeon." Rick explains.

"Rick I don't know what to say to comfort you." Kate says holding on to his hand.

"Kate the world sucks. So there is really nothing you could say. I love the fact you tried. By the way, Kate why aren't you at work?" Rick asks noticing once the time.

"Rick I was doing the same thing that you were. I was trying to get my thoughts together before I went back to the loft." Kate says.

"Well, have you gotten your thoughts together and what sort of thoughts are they?" Rick asks.

"Sort of…Rick listen what I am going to tell you. It is from my heart okay, so no comments until I'm finished." Kate says.

"Okay, I promise." Rick repeats.

"When I told you that we were going to have a baby? I felt like it was the worst thing that could have happened. I am afraid that I could not be the mother that this baby deserves on many levels. I know that you raised Alexis all alone. You have those memories to guide you in raising this baby. I know that I will be a person who has no instincts in raising a child. I just feel so lost when it comes to motherhood. My mom made it look so easy with raising me." Kate says explaining her insecurities.

"Kate, are you done? I just want to make sure." Rick asks.

"Yes, thanks." She replies.

"Good, so please now listen what I am about to tell you. Raising Alexis was great. Do you think that I had all the answers? I was a total mess wondering if I was doing the right thing with doctors, formula, diapers, and etc. Heck I went running to the pediatrician with her if she had a fever over 98 degrees. So I am going to say this no one has all the answers got it?" Rick states.

"But Rick..." Kate protests.

"But nothing, there is something else bothering you isn't there?" Rick picks upon her uneasiness.

"You could say that. I miss my mom. I could use her guidance and words to get me through this now" Kate confesses.

"Kate I'm so sorry that thought never entered my head. I know you miss her. I know we will get through this okay. I do have one request to honor her memory if you agree to it?" Rick asks.

"What's that?" Kate answers.

"If we have a baby girl then we could name her Johanna Taylor." Rick said hopefully.

Kate thought about his idea. The more she thought about it the more she fell in love with it.

"Rick that's so sweet I think it's a great idea." Kate says being very touched by his generosity.

Getting up off the swing, she stands in front of him.

"I love you Richard Castle." Kate says as she leans over to kiss him.

"I love you too, Babe. Now help me up off this swing. I have been her for so long my legs fell asleep. I really am getting too old for these swings." Rick says.

Taking his hands into hers, she pulls him up off the swing and steadies him once he is standing. He offers his arm and they stroll out of the park. The sun is just setting and they look at the sunset together.

"Kate, would you come with me for the second MRI in two weeks?" Rick asks.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Kate responds.

\\\\\

Arriving back at the loft, they notice Alexis feverishly running around the kitchen. She turns when she hears the door open.

"Nooooo, you guys can't be here yet." She laments.

"Alexis what's going on?" Rick asks.

Before she can answer Kate pulls at his sleeve and motions at the table. It was set complete with candles. He looks at the table.

"We did not see a thing. We will be in my office with our eyes closed." Rick says.

"Thanks, Dad." Alexis replies.

Twenty minutes later there is a knock on his office door.

"Mom, Dad dinner's ready!" She says.

They leave the office and see a feast on the table. Alexis must have been at work on this all afternoon. There is every type of vegetable, salad, and a roast beef. It looks great.

"Alexis, why did you do this" Rick asks with a watering mouth.

"Dad it's simple. I wanted to do this because of all the help that Kate gave me for the college admission forms we filled out together. And you both have so much to worry about so this is my way of saying I love you both." Alexis admits.

Kate is breathless by what Alexis has done. She feels like she is really home for the first time in her life. She is puzzled at why she called her Mom. She will need to ask her about that later.

"Alexis this looks wonderful you've outdone yourself here." Kate says.

They all take a seat and eat in silence because the food is that good. Alexis looks at her dad and then to Kate. She knows there's something off because she can see it in their faces.

"Dad, Mom what's wrong?" She asks seen the worry on her father's face which is reflected in Kate's.

Kate hears that word again. Rick could never keep anything from Alexis. She was good at reading the looks on anyone she met even in such a short time.

"Pumpkin I have some news. It's nothing bad, but I need to have some additional tests done."

"How serious are these tests?" She asks.

"These tests are just a follow up for a blood clot your dad has. He is on a blood thinner that should take care of the problem but we just need to be sure." Kate responds.

"Alexis everything will be fine. I have not come this far to quit now." Rick comforts his daughter's worries.

"Ok Dad, Mom if you tell me not to worry then I trust you both." Alexis says. "I do have one request though?"

"Ok, Pumpkin what is it?" Rick asks.

"Please do not keep me in the dark about either of yours conditions." Alexis pleads.

"Ok, Pumpkin we both promise so now the next question is. Who has room for dessert?" Rick jovially asks.

"We all do…" Kate answers to uproarious laughter.

"Okay then I will be right back." Alexis says as she takes some of the dirty dishes back to the kitchen.

Kate thinks that this will be a good time to ask Alexis why she calls her Mom. She looks at Rick who motions her to go help.

\\\\\

"Alexis, would you like a hand?" Kate asks.

"Sure would you get the whipped cream in the fridge and bring it here, please?" Alexis points at the refrigerator.

Kate pulls out the whipped cream then hands it to her.

"Alexis can I ask you a question?" Kate asks.

"Kate you can ask me anything. What's wrong?" Alexis answers.

"It's not a matter of being wrong...but I am curious as to why you call me Mom?" Kate asks intrigued at the answer she would give.

"Kate that's easy. We spend so much time together. We do things together that I am not able to do with my real mom. So while you are technically not my mother. I still think of you as my mom. Besides whenever he or she arrives then it would be weird for that young person to learn that he or she would not have the same mom as her or his big sister. If this is too weird for you then I can stop." Alexis explains.

"No Alexis, I actually kind of like it." Kate states "Thanks for including me"

Alexis rushes over to Kate and draws her into a loving hug. Rick watches the whole event unfold in front of his eyes. He loves the fact that they get along so well.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

It has been almost three weeks since Dr. Cho had prescribed the blood thinners for Rick. It was to hopefully dislodge the partial blood clot in the right hemisphere of his brain. As he patiently waited for the doctor to return back with the MRI results he had plenty of time to think. He had finished his trial visit this morning. Usually Dr. Cho talks to him about the trial and his sleep habits. So he was asked to have a second MRI done after his trial visit. This is what has him fidgeting like a child in his seat...waiting.

"Rick could you follow me, please?" The Doctor says with a questioning look to her face.

He now expects when any figure of authority asks him that question the news is not good in nature. So he follows her hoping he was wrong. They enter her office and they both take a seat. He looks at her as she reviews the MRI results one last time. She looks up at him and she can see that he is expecting disastrous news.

"Rick I have your test results from today's scan and from what I see everything looks perfect." She says with a small smile.

He lets out a shallow breath and inhales. Only he held it in for a couple of seconds. Now he has about a million questions to ask her. His mind comes up with nothing.

"So there is no blood clot left." He asks concerned.

"That's correct, Rick. The medication has worked as planned. So now, I need to ask you one question." She responds.

Rick shakes his head and allows her to ask.

"Rick, how have you been sleeping since the medication was prescribed to you?" She asks.

"Well, now that you mention it. I have been sleeping more and more through the night. It's like my sleep is longer in duration starting from four hours about two weeks ago and now I sleep at least eight solid hours now." Rick responds.

"This is great. I think that this clot was the cause of your sleeplessness. Just to be sure we will revisit this issue in another two weeks. I'll still need you to fill out the questionnaire religiously noting any change in your sleep." She orders.

"I will." Rick says happily.

Just as he thinks his news from Dr. Cho is finished he rises from the chair. Looking down to the paperwork on her desk there is more than just the results from the MRI. He looks at them questioningly then looks to his doctor.

"Sarah is there something more that you need to tell me?" Rick asks.

Sarah just looks up at him and really wants to tell him the additional news she has, but she won't violate doctor/patient privileges. But seeing Rick beat the brain bleed she rethinks her position.

"Rick, what I am going to tell you must stay between the both of us and go no further beyond the walls of this office." She confides.

"Sarah, you can trust me." he said vehemently.

Thinking of how to start, she just dives right into it.

"Let's say that the trial had a patient X. You were both admitted into the trial however he had a head start on you, almost by two weeks." She states.

Rick picked up on her admission of "had" in her sentence.

"He was doing great and then out of the blue he develops sepsis. He neglected to have it treated when his fever spiked. When it returned to somewhat normal levels he just ignored it. There was no warning when his internal organs started to shut down. He was an elderly gentleman and his immune system was compromised. He was on the drugs taking while on this trial. These two factors led to him going into septic shock from which he never recovered." She finishes.

Rick looks at her. She noticed that his face has lost the all of its color. He is now bordering on fear. She needs to reassure him, but she does not know how? Rick has one of the factors that patient X has he is in the age group that is considered to be at risk.

"Sarah, am I going to be heading down this path?" Rick asks.

"Rick I will be honest with you. While you have one of the factors that could possibly put you into this situation. I think that you will be fine. While your age is the biggest factor I am not seeing that anything else would put you into this situation. We will however be monitoring you just a little more closely now that we know what we are looking for." She says with compassion.

Rick feels a little more at ease with her last statement.

"So is there anything else Doctor?" Rick asks.

"No, there is nothing else Rick. We are going to be extra vigilant on this okay?" She says.

"Right, any little discomfort you are going to be alerted." Rick says.

"That would be fine. I rather have to see you 100 times for nothing than you ignore it. Then there would be nothing I can do. Ignoring anything can be a killer" She warns.

"Ok, Doc I got it loud and clear." Rick says as her got up and left.

\\\\\

He steps out onto the sidewalk in front of the clinic and watches as the world passes by him. As he stands there he needs to get back to Kate. He still did not know what happened to her. He looks at his phone then sent a text.

**"**_******Done with Doc…I'm heading to the 12th. See you soon love Rick."**_

He wants to tell her what has happened at the clinic. Walking towards the curb and raises his arm hoping to hail a cab. If by miracle one cuts across the busy avenue. It screeches to a halt right in front of him. He opens the door and slides into the cab.

"Where to bud…?" The cabbie asks.

"The 12th precinct in the east village…" Rick replies.

Before Castle realizes it they are pulling up to the 12th. He passes a fifty to the cabbie and goes to open the door.

"This is a 50. Do ya want change? It's only a 10 trip." The cabbie responds.

Rick replies "Keep it."

The cabbie could use more fares like him. He speeds away in search of his next fare before Castle can even close the door. He glances at his phone there was no reply. Rick figures Kate got busy.

\\\\\

He enters the precinct and walks to the elevator. He presses the up button and steps onto it when the door opens. Arriving at the 4th floor, he steps out and quickly scans the bullpen in search of Kate. Her desk is empty and so is the break room.

"Hey guys have you seen Beckett?" he asks.

Ryan looks up from the file he was reading

"So Sorry Castle I just got back. She was gone when I returned." Ryan says looking down at his paperwork.

"Zito, have any idea where she could be?" Rick asks.

"Castle she left here about 2 hours ago. She said she needed to run a couple of errands." He replies.

"Thanks, Guys. I hope I will catch her later." Rick says trying to exit the precinct.

"Castle what's going on between the two of you?" Javi asks.

"What do you mean, Bro?" Rick asks.

He had not been aware of him doing anything different. Had Kate? He wondered.

"What I mean is that Beckett has not been herself for the last couple of weeks. She walks around here like she has no clue and to top it all off she has tried many times to see Montgomery. She just looks at him in his office and leaves for the ladies room. It's kinda creepy if you ask me." Javi says.

"Javi there is a lot going on that you don't know about. In time when it's right for her she will tell the both of you. Until that happens I really can't elaborate on the issue." Rick says now being a bit more concerned.

Kate was supposed to be with him at the Doc appt. They had discussed it that morning. When she did not show he figured something came up. However, finding out Kate left in plenty of time to make it. That news made him worry even more especially when Javi reported Kate being spacey.

"Okay Bro I'll be waiting." Javi says.

Rick pulls out his cell phone and pulls up her number and hits send. It rings twice and her voicemail greeting plays. He leaves her a message

**__****"Hey Babe, I just left the 12thand you were not there. I hope your okay. Please call me back I need to talk to you."**

He ends the call and decides to head back to the loft. Since it's just a short 22 blocks from the precinct to the loft he decides to walk back.

While he walks he thinks about their baby. She is now just about to enter her second trimester. He looks to the future and before long he sees his child accomplishing the feats that a toddler would. Their first steps, babbling incoherently words and smiling. He or she would smile a lot. He was in no way going to let this baby be without a father like he was. There was nothing that he would not do for his child. He hears his name being called and that brings him out of his semi daydream. He looks up at the street sing and realizes that he is almost at the door of his loft. Alexis strides up along side of him.

"Dad, are you alright? You looked like you were in another world." She asks worriedly.

"Alexis I'm fine. I was just deep in thought that's all." He responds.

They enter the lobby to the building. He keeps quiet from the lobby to the hallway leading to the loft. He was worried about Kate missing his appointment. He did not want to talk about anything. He just wants to find Kate. He slips the key into the lock and to his surprise the lock is already open. Instinctively he pulls Alexis behind him and slowly opens the door. The loft is pitch black.

There is not one light on anywhere. It's then when he hears it. He looks at Alexis just to confirm that she hears it too. Her eyebrow raises and he knows it's not only him who hears the soft sobbing. As they walk in so very cautiously the sobbing gets louder. He makes his way up to his office and there is no doubt that the sobbing is coming from there and it's Kate.

He gently opens the office door and he thought to himself that she had done a lot to hide her presence. He found her up against his desk and she had her arms wrapped around her legs rocking back and forth. This looks so uncomfortable to him because she has grown much more around her midsection. She was so small to him. His heart was breaking just a little bit more.

He walks slowly over to his desk where she is with Alexis in tow. He does not want to frighten her so he gently places his hand on her shoulder. She looks up but says nothing. He can tell that she has been crying for quite some time. Mascara is running down her cheeks and the tears are still fresh. He asks her the only thing he can to find out why she is here in the middle of the afternoon.

"Babe, what's wrong." Rick asks wrapping his arms around her.

She takes a couple of quick breaths and then she starts.

"Rick, Oh I am so sorry I missed your appt." Kate says sobbing.

"Yeah well, at least you are safe…Kate tell me what is happening?" Rick asks.

"I was on my way to your appt and I got a call from my OBGYN. She needed to see me right away. So I sent you a text but I guess you did get it?" She asks.

Rick shakes his head no. Kate continues.

"Okay I visited with my doctor at her insistence this morning," she said between sobs.

He now knows that she has been here at least three hours by herself. Rick thinks before asking his next question.

"Kate this nothing to be crying over is it? Shouldn't you be happy?" Rick asks.

It was then that the reality had hit him. His mind raced to think what she must be going through all alone. If she received bad news about the baby and he was not there to be with her. He would never forgive himself. He let her go on her own. Now there will be to be a price to pay. Though, he never did receive her text. He wonders, where did that text go? Alexis wisely departs quietly so both adults could speak freely.

"Rick, you know that I love you right?" She says between sobs.

He nodded yes.

"Well, there is something I need to tell you. I am not quite sure how to word it. You are the one who is great with words." Kate answers.

"Kate, just do your best. I will understand okay?" Rick comforts.

She retells him about her visit and he listens intently. When she comes to the end of the visit she tells him what the doctor told her.

"I hope you can deal with twice the hugs and kisses." The OBGYN tells her...


End file.
